The Forgotten Art of Casual Dating
Why, look at this! We have received a letter from the ladies:
Dear Sosuave Youth,
Before we, shall we say, get down to business, we have some things to say: Casual dating is OK.
Asking a girl for her number is OK. Random hookups are not ideal.
Sitting in your room and pretending to be content with your love life, or lack thereof, is not cool.
This letter is meant to revive casual dating with you young males â a practice that used to be followed by most, yet one that is strangely absent today. Casual dating does not mean commitment. It will not limit your freedom. It will not interfere with the pursuit of life and joy, two of which we hold as one.
From my experiences, your relationships fall into two categories: random hookups or virtual marriage. Either two people stay together for a few hours and pretend like nothing happened between them the next day, or they become attached at the hip from their first date and become oblivious to the rest of the world.
The problem with these two extremes is that most of us want something in the middle. But boys, you can do something about that. And I will tell you how...
Get girlsâ phone numbers. If youâre attracted to a girl, getting her number canât hurt. It will keep your options open in the case that you decide you may be ready to go on an actual date at your young age. Although this is a rare occurrence, it happens. Getting a girlâs number can be avoided if you think you could invite her out personally, which is ideal, as phone conversations have the possibility of being somewhat awkward.
Hang out with your girl of interest during non-class, non-dorm-activity time, and non-job environment. Invite her over for dinner at your house or dining hall, for some coffee, or (for the gutsier guys) dinner at a restaurant. This is your chance to get to know your girl.
Dates are fun! Even if there is no chemistry or not a lot to talk about, getting together puts you out there. It makes us feel like normal young people who do the normal dating things. The first âdateâ will give you a much better idea as to whether or not the girl is worth your time.
- If the date was less than ideal, donât be aloof when you see the girl again. If your date made you realize that this girl probably isnât for you, itâs probably (hopefully) a mutual thing. Chemistry and awkwardness are usually felt both ways. But donât pretend like it never happened. You guys can still act civilly toward each other. Being friends is totally okay.
If the date went well, donât smother the girl. Itâs definitely nice to give her a call a few days after your date, but donât act like the two of you are married! One date, or even a few dates, does not mean lifelong commitment. The goal here is casual dating â hanging out on an occasional basis and having fun.
Although dating may lead to a relationship, it doesnât have to. Understandably, people at this school donât always have the time or desire for a significant other. But many of us want to hang out on an individual basis with members of the opposite sex that we like. And we arenât necessarily happy with the predominant means of doing that â party hookups. Casual dating is the perfect, middle-of-the-road solution to this problem.
I know that asking a girl for her number or out to coffee or dinner can be hard, but it needs to be done. We ladies arenât mean! We try to encourage proactive behavior.
Although rejection is always a possibility, the alternative is just too attractive and too necessary to pass up. Do you really want to go through your prime years of youth without some form of dating?
I should hope not.
This was an actual letter from a lady written to all the men. It appeared in the Stanford University paper.
This post isnât for the guys already comfortable going out there. This is for the shy, the homebodies, the ones on the Internet every night.
You want a girlfriend badly. It seems like two choices: the hookups you find at parties or clubs, or the âvirtual marriageâ of a long-term relationship.
The flaws of the âjoined at the hipâ virtual marriage the ladies described are many. It keeps you from meeting other people, and it is just a clinginess of two people tired of being âsingle.â You can be successful at this with marriage and everything, but even that may result in failure. Anti-Dump started out this way, married a girl, but divorce shattered him as he realized the girl never really liked him in the first place. He kept trying to please her rather than find a girl who fit him.
Now we come to the other option. The âparty hookupsâ and âclubsâ sound like great fun and easy sex, but these probably donât fit your personality. Besides, these girls will care nothing for you and wonât care if you drop dead the next day. And the sex? To these people, it becomes a theatrical act. It is mutual masturbation. It is not fulfilling.
Also, consider that perhaps one day you will be married. When you are married, what do you like to do? Why, you go out. All the practice and skills you pick up with casual dating can be carried over to your marriage. Your âpickup skillsâ cannot.
Casual dating has the best of the two extremes of random hookups and âvirtual marriage.â The possibility of sex is there... but it definitely wonât be with a girl who will toss you aside the next day. The connection of âvirtual marriageâ is there... but it isnât as binding to keep you from meeting new people. Plus, casual dating helps you find the girl who likes what you like â something random hookups and virtual marriage do not allow.
Besides, casual dating is fun! When I was shy and locked up in my room, I always wondered, âWhat ought I to do?â Well, the answer is anything! Usually start off with something small, like dinner or a drink, where you can get to know her and see if she is worth your time. But literally, anything is at your disposal. Planning dates is fun as you get to pick what YOU want to do. Want to go browse museums and have a nice dinner afterward? Want to go rock climbing and rafting afterward? A friend of mine, when he finds a girl he thinks is special to him, will even get out specific types of wine. This may sound sappy, but it isnât â and girls love it. Itâs fun to plan out what YOU want to do, and girls like to go along for the adventure.
So, as you are bombarded by all this âinformation,â do this:
Forget about Pook. Forget about Sosuave. Forget about the DJ Bible. Forget about tips and discussions, womenâs âpsychology,â and specific techniques.
Go ask for the number of that girl you have been eyeing. Do anything youâd like, from a simple dinner to an event. If she likes you, she wonât care!
Forget this webpage with all its wordy texts. People who stay here all day are trying to get it PERFECT, and you know what? Perfect is boring. Shake things up in your life. It wonât matter if you know what to do for the second or third date â most people donât. Do it one at a time.
Go change your life, not by reading my posts or studying the forum, but by doing what you always wanted to do: go out with that lovely young lady. Start small and ask out a girl that you really like.
Once you get a date or two under your belt, youâll wonder why you wasted so much time on article reading in the first place.
And welcome. Life awaits.
Written by Pook at SoSuave forum
If you liked this post, you may enjoy the complete collection of The Book of Pook.
đ Special Offer: 33% OFF on The Book of Pook â The Complete eBook Collection
đĽ Unlock the wisdom of The Book of Pook and elevate your masculine journey. Get 33% OFF now on the complete eBook collection!
đ Grab the Complete eBook Collection on Gumroad
đ Paperback Editions Available on Amazon
The Book of Pook Volâ1 [Paperback]
Learn Dating, Pickup, Seduction & Relationship Secrets That Only 1% of the Worldâs Men Know.
đ Buy on Amazon
The Book of Pook Volâ2 [Paperback]
Female Psychology, Marriage & Relationship Secrets That Only 1% of the Worldâs Men Know.
đ Buy on Amazon
The Book of Pook Volâ3 [Paperback]
Dating, Attraction, and Seduction Mastery â Discover What Women Really Want and Unlock the Secrets of Alpha Males.
đ Buy on Amazon