The Power of Defining Your Own Life
A young man approached this post, opened his mouth as if to speak, and snorted, “Signor Pook! Or how is it that you like to be called—Monsieur Pook? Well then, bonjour! There is French salutation for your French slop!”
Counterfeit, not the time, goodly sir. Speak to your complaint.
“All you do in these posts is rattle and prattle about women and dreams and things. Tell me, in direct and utter language, why I do not right now have a woman in my arms.”
When you say you don’t have women, you are choosing it.
“This is cruel,” he whispered.
But it is the truth. You know you can go out right now and get a girl. The girl might be a fat hag, but nevertheless, she is a girl. You choose not to go for the fat hag and decide that you are worth more.
Loneliness isn’t some cruel conspiracy from Nature; it is your choice. So you have chosen not to be with the ugly, fat women.
Now that you have acknowledged that you choose the beautiful women, it means you think they are right for you. Even though you might be a skinny, socially insecure dork, you believe you have inside you what it takes to get the beautiful woman.
So you must go out and demonstrate it to reality.
Nature says, “You silly little dork! Who are you to think that you can get my lovely nymphs, the beautiful women?”
The proper response is: “I will show you who I really am!”
And one by one you become yourself, you reconnect all your dreams to the day. You don’t bulk up because women “like” big guys. You do it because that is how you see yourself. You don’t become the life of the party because women “like” those guys. You do it because that is who you are. You do not become Don Juan because that is what women crave; you do it because it is who you are.
What is life to you?
It is the pattern of our age that value is placed on living a long life. Because of this pattern of value being placed on having a long life, it is easy to lose sight of the reason we hope to live long—so we have more time to live worthily.
What does it mean to live worthily? This is something that only you can define. People have lots of opinions on what you should do with your life, but when the day comes that you are on your deathbed, knowing the imminent is possible, you’re the one who has to reflect upon the choices you made.
So… what is life to you?
I am not asking you to do this or that with your life, but I am only asking you to pause for a moment and think. What is life to you? Stop and look.
Many people do not stop to consider. They relive their parents’ life, only to produce children who will live like them! They want money, so they spend their time to get it—only to use that money to buy back time. They always place their minds in the future and never in the present; thus, they don’t live in the present or in the future. They lose the moments… and in the end, that is all we have. This trading of time for money, or money for time, or present for future, or future for present is not a pure exchange. Life gets destroyed in the transaction.
Change is hard.
Being a Nice Guy is the easiest thing to do. But in the end, the Nice Guy is a trap—the trap being the womb of security the Nice Guy keeps running into.
Routine is easy. Change, or anything new, is hard. To take your lifelong habits and alter them—this takes some pain. It will be the pain of shrugging off the old life: the life your parents gave you, the life your school gave you, the life your friends shared with you, the life that everyone expects you to live… except yourself.
You only have one life and only a certain amount of time. You may have been raised to believe that life is not meant to be enjoyed, but something to bear, to be painfully suffered through. It is the belief that if you’re having too much fun, then you’re not doing enough “stuff.”
Who says life is not meant to be enjoyed? And who is meant to define that but you?
Those who have this way of thought will think: “Approaching women!? Oh no! Too painful!” “Having a girlfriend is like having another job.” “Women just require too much work to be enjoyed.”
Who says that women are not meant to be enjoyed? Who says that life is not meant to be enjoyed? And who is meant to define that but you?
“Life is whatever happens.”
Who says that? Who says you have to suffer?
With all that is out there to achieve and enjoy, to discover and see—who is to say that it is not yours? Who is to say that you don’t deserve joy in your life? Who is to say you don’t deserve the hot babes? And why do you sit on the sidelines and surrender it to others? Who’s to say all these things are not yours?
You define your life. Not your grandparents, church, or friends. When you give up those rules to someone else, you are to blame if you don’t like where you are.
We are not raised this way. We are taught when we are young that it is noble to suffer. We are taught not to speak our mind lest we “offend” someone. We are taught to be “quiet and good” when your parents dragged you to places you hated. We are taught to sit through the monstrosity called education, making us confused that education comes only with pain—thus we naturally avoid pleasurable education for the rest of our lives. We are taught to always avoid risks when possible and embrace a nice, secure life. We are taught… nothing that makes us alive.
Some people think that we are meant to suffer each day, to gruel through the time and bear the scourge of daily agonies. If you believe you are underemployed, ask yourself: “Is my life dictated by my fear of not having a job, or is it launched by the pleasure of working a job I like and getting more money?” If you do not have a woman, ask yourself: “Am I focusing on minimizing the pains of approaching, dating, and loving, or am I focused on obtaining the pleasures of such wonder?”
Most people will never start a business because nine out of ten companies fail. But those that win, in the end, even if they fail at first, keep trying because they are motivated by the pleasure of getting the business, not by minimizing pain and insecurity.
And many guys will never get a girl they want because they realize they will fail more often than they succeed. But those that win in the end do so by focusing on the pleasures of success rather than the pain of failure.
So if you have no women, it means you think you are better than what you can get. You can either go out to show the world what you are, or you can come up with another “daily” excuse. In order for that happy tomorrow to occur, you need to start today.
You set the rules for your life. It will have as much pain, joy, and success as you think you deserve. The world now begins with you. What is your world going to be?
Most people fake happiness.
There is a great myth that everyone, amazingly, believes: that everyone else is happy, having fun, living life—and you, all alone, are miserable. That everyone is out there, having amazing, glorious sex, while you must content yourself with pornos.
This isn’t true. Most people are in the exact same spot as you are. And those “glorious unions” you see everywhere? Most of them are simply scared of being alone, so they go off and grab the nearest available person. The others are lying together with vanity.
The big secret is that happy people aren’t as happy as they appear. Many happy people are actually covering up their real problems. But what do you do? You see one of these “happy” people and then you get unhappy with them! You make yourself miserable as you fire nasty thoughts from your mind at them—and they don’t even know you.
You think, “It must be nice to be happy. They were born to the right parents, to the right environment. I wish I was like them. I wish I grew up where they did.”
You think, “I have all these great qualities about myself. Why can’t someone see it?” Well, no one sees it because they are too worried about themselves. Women are not ignoring you; they too are worried about themselves. When you go out with a foxy lady, she will be worried about how she acts, about how you think of her.
Life is meant to be lived, grabbed on to, and defined by you. No one may define your life—not your parents, not people on the Internet, no one.
A Second Life
Now your life belongs to yourself. What are you going to do with it? This gift of life is yours and yours alone. It truly is the only thing no one can take away. Only you can give it away, to chunk it, to toss it into the abyss of time. But no longer will you do that.
Before, you crawled and inched your way through life. Now, cocooned and reabsorbed with your new thoughts, you molt off your old life and begin a new one. The other caterpillars, feeding on their grubs and inching in circles, look up at the sky to see you blaze by.
“How can he fly so high?” “How is he so colorful?” “How can he be so free?”
Nothing can stop you now except yourself. You now have the power to do what you’ve always dreamed. What are you going to do? The inner light of who you really are has broken out and will dazzle the world. You are so lucky, for you have saved your life. Now you know how precious life is because you were so close to age without discovering it.
And so people will notice the new you. Before I came here, I was mad for a girl. Now, that same girl looks at me and stares.
“Something is different,” she says. “Something in your eyes… in your face…” Shrugging, she smiled. “It must be the light.”
I kissed her and pulled her to me. “Yes,” I said. “It must be the light.”
Re: Selfishness, Life-Changing Decisions, etc.
Quote: What am I getting at?
Thanks to this site I have developed a great sense of self and a much higher level of confidence (not perfect by any means, but a hell of a lot improved). I’ve committed myself for the last couple of years to doing whatever it takes to get what I want (money, girls, power, etc.). All of a sudden, this does not seem appealing to me. I feel willing to give up all the hard work to follow a completely different path. All of a sudden, the thought of screwing people over or “succeeding at all costs” makes me really uneasy.
Power games with girls/coworkers are something I used to be able to play very well, but now I want nothing to do with them. I feel like everything I wanted in life is being turned on its head. Maybe I’m just ranting here, but the world has really been showing its dark side lately, and I just don’t want a part of all the bull****.
Is there anyone out there who honestly gives a ****?
Where to go from here??? All the DJ techniques I’ve read over and over seem so insignificant. God, I had everything planned out. I feel like I’m back at square one and then some. I’ve got no idea what I want out of life again… anyone has any input? Or have I gone completely wacko-jacko?
These are the times that try men’s souls. Our ancestors and forefathers always had clear and solid definitions of masculinity and manhood. While the definitions varied in detail, the context was the same. Today, there is no system, no genuine respect for manhood. If a woman committed suicide, it would be a “tragedy.” But if a young man commits suicide? Ho-hum, just another “statistic.”
You’re not crazy. You’ve grown up. Most people never do.
Children are remarkably selfish. This is fine, as they are children. Growth is seen as the child growing and expanding on his/her abilities or schoolwork.
However, around the age of sixteen (especially for girls), they become enchanted with a self-image for themselves. This self-image varies from individual to individual, but the results are the same: to create envy from others, excess pride, material goods, and sexual goods.
Nature, herself, has written a code into our hearts and natures. We each have our talents and gifts. And who can decide what they dream?
This grand “self-image,” in order to exist, must use techniques and people as fodder—as stepping stones to success. What is obscene is that the basis of fulfillment of this “self-image” is the denial of the self.
Narcissism is the denial of the self. It is to reject the gift of life. A musician trying to play the role of the soldier (for women? for money?) would have his soul destroyed. Likewise, a soldier trying to play the role of musician (for women? for money?) also would find his soul destroyed. We have been taught, at the earliest ages of youth, that in order to “get things done” and to “make people happy,” we must, on all levels, deny ourselves. In fact, I suspect that is why many men come to this forum in the first place. We have “denied” ourselves women for so long—but enough is enough!
What is a technique with women but the fundamental denial of self? We are taught to act this way, do that, then this, and that over there—and perhaps we get the girl. But what was the cost? (There is always a cost.) By using some “techniques” on the Internet, you never know if you can get women. Yes, techniques sell well because they are “painless.” If anyone tells you something in life will be painless, they are somehow a salesperson. Nevertheless, techniques are not an addition to your character but often a denial of it. No, being a Nice Guy means crash and burn. Rather than facing up to the hard questions of life and our own masculinity, it is much simpler and easier to adopt a series of techniques.
Narcissism’s denial of the self permeates through today’s society, as you have noticed. How often have you gone on a date with a woman and had her say everything you think she wants you to hear? Or how often do you find guys that act the way they think the “women” want to hear? The technique-wielding seducer and Nice Guy differ in how they act, but the context of their actions is entirely narcissistic. Even the “good girls” and “bad girls” suffer from this extreme self-image. Reality to them is unseen. This is why they never seem to “change” once their bodies reach that of an adult. Many people remain narcissistic for their entire lives.
I say: go do what you want! Go follow your dreams! Go embrace your passions! Go for the girl you think is “out of your league” and super hot. Go for the fruits of life! Do not deprive yourself. When you do so, you slowly become embittered and turn that bitterness into a virtue. “Look how NICE I am to women.” “Look how I sacrifice for my education/job/family/etc.” The list goes on and on.
Our age today is mercenary labor and mercantile women. Everyone wants to leverage you for their own ends. But only you know what your dreams and passions are. Your dreams are now ripe for enjoyment. If you wait too long to enjoy it, it will be as bitter to the taste as defeat. Too many people deny themselves for “tomorrow,” always “tomorrow.” We say, “Look at that dream up there! One day, it will come down.” Rather, we ought to say, “Our hour has struck!”
Francisco mentioned Atlas Shrugged. I would say Fountainhead is the superior book. For those who still think narcissism is about being “selfish,” just look at the character of Keating. Keating and Roark play opposite roles. Keating does whatever to please others. He even denies his heart to marry a “beautiful woman.” Roark does only what pleases himself and pursues his own passions. In the end, Keating becomes broken while Roark wins the world. The point is that both characters face severe pain (for pain will occur to you in life. If anyone tells you differently, they are a salesperson). Roark, taking the mindset of freedom, dealt with the pain at the front. Keating, adopting the mindset of security, avoids pain at every turn and it ends up consuming him.
We can either avoid the pain and “shocks that flesh is heir to,” or we can tackle it head on and be men not for women, not for society, not for your parents, not for your church—but for ourselves, as being a man is the closest males can get to heaven on Earth.
Written by Pook at SoSuave forum
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