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Chapter 1
Praise for The Book of Pook

“This is clearly the best book I have ever read. … The Book of Pook teaches you to be a man and to not give in to the power that women yield over spineless guys. More effectively, the book wants you to respect yourself and to love yourself.”

— Hussain Elius, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“I’ve read over 30 books on the subject of social dynamics between the genders. Few of them are as helpful or fun or quotable as Pook’s writing. So grateful it’s in print now, as we used to have to download the PDF and read it on digital. Take your time and linger in the Red Pill nutrients of this contribution to the field.”

— Aaron Baykov, Amazon customer review

★★★★★ Verified Purchase · Paperback · United States · December 10, 2023

Source: Amazon.com, customer review for The Book of Pook—Volume 1 (ASIN B0C7J84SP5).

“I want to read more, I want to talk to the author … I can say that he changed my life for good. This was almost like talking to god.”

— Luis, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“An amazing book that all men should read, not just to be better with women, but to have a more enjoyable life. True Classic.”

— Kindle Customer, Amazon customer review

★★★★★ Verified Purchase · Paperback · Australia · July 24, 2024

Source: Amazon.com, customer review for The Book of Pook—Volume 1 (ASIN B0C7J84SP5).

“Don’t categorize it as PUA, red pill, or a pickup guide. … More importantly it teaches you to value yourself. Deeper than picking up girls, the techniques and philosophies here will grow you into a better person.”

— K, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

What Readers Are Saying

“I have read this book over and over again, and every time, I have learned something. It has taught me things that are more than just ‘how to get girls.’”

— Yichen, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“I came across the Book of Pook Vol 1 on Reddit a long time ago. I am glad it has been made and is available as a physical copy. It is helpful to have comprehensive dating advice!”

— Zach Zibits, Amazon customer review

★★★★★ Verified Purchase · Paperback · United States · February 5, 2024

Source: Amazon.com, customer review for The Book of Pook—Volume 1 (ASIN B0C7J84SP5).

“Fantastic book that focuses on improving your core self rather than remembering tactics.”

— Craig, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“This is one book that will open the floodgates of self improvement if you accept issues in your life and seek actively to correct them.”

— Vishnu E, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“Improve yourself, and women will follow. The high standards you apply to your desires must be applied to yourself.”

— Joshua, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

“Legendary Book!”

— Jetlir, Goodreads

Source: Goodreads, “The Book of Pook” community reviews.

Chapter 2
A Guide to the Three Volumes

A Guide to the Three Volumes of The Book of Pook

Most books about women promise you a trick. A line to say. A routine to run. A text to send at exactly the right hour.

This book will not.

The man who called himself Pook spent years answering the same letters from the same kind of young man: lonely, frustrated, stuck in the "friend zone," reading every seduction guide on the internet and still going home alone. He was once that young man himself. And after all the forums, all the theories, and all the failures, he arrived at the one conclusion that most dating writers never reach:

"I realized I was the problem, not the women."

Every page of this series grows out of that sentence. The good news hidden inside it is enormous: if you are the problem, then you are also the solution. Nobody has to change for your life to change — except you.

The Book of Pook collects Pook's writing from two places: his famous posts on the Sosuave forum, where he taught thousands of men how to stop being the "Nice Guy," and his later blog, Pook's Mill, where he looked beyond dating to the bigger questions of manhood, marriage, money, and meaning. Together they form one journey, told in three stages.

The Journey in Three Stages

Volume

The Stage

The Question It Answers

Volume 1

The Man and Women

How do I stop failing with women?

Volume 2

The Man and the World

Why is the game set up this way — and how do I avoid its traps?

Volume 3

The Man and His Life

Once I am free, what do I build?

Each volume stands on its own. But each one also answers the question the previous volume leaves you asking. That is why they are meant to be read together.

Volume 1 — The Man and Women: From Nice Guy to Great Catch

This is where it all began: the Sosuave years. If you have ever frozen before talking to a woman, bought a girl gifts hoping she would finally see you, or been told "let's just be friends" one time too many, this volume was written for you.

It opens with The Fifteen Lessons, a parable in which a hesitant young man is guided, lesson by lesson, through every mistake men make with women — hesitation, the friend trap, reading words instead of actions, impatience, neediness, and chasing formulas. Each lesson ends with a principle you will never forget, beginning with the first:

"Rejection is better than regret."

From there, Pook takes on the ideas that made him legendary:

• The Secret of the Jerk — why women are drawn to the "bad boy," and why the answer is not to become a jerk but to stop being afraid of your own masculinity.

• Kill That Desperation! — why neediness repels, and why the man who believes he is the prize stops looking desperate.

• Fountain of Youth — how the boy in the sandbox was a natural with girls, and how to recover that playful, fearless self.

• Be A Man! and Toward Manhood! — what a man actually is, beyond how many women he sleeps with.

• Habit Is All — why success with women is built from daily habits, not one-time performances.

• Womanese — Pook's hilarious "translations" of what women say versus what they mean.

• Aphorisms — hundreds of one-line truths on women, confidence, and life.

What makes Volume 1 different from every pickup manual on the shelf is that Pook openly rejects tricks and tactics. As he puts it:

"A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks."

How Volume 1 helps you: It cures approach anxiety, shyness, and "Nice Guy syndrome." It shows you how to escape the friend zone, how to judge a woman by her actions, how to stop putting her on a pedestal, and how to become a man who is willing to walk away — which, ironically, is the man women do not want to lose. Above all, it teaches the rule that sits under everything else:

"Women come and go, but YOU are forever."

The question it leaves you with: Pook ends his lessons with a warning. The young man's friends all ended up married or in serious relationships — and every one of them was chronically unhappy. Getting a woman, it turns out, is not the same as winning. So what is? That question is where Volume 2 begins.

Volume 2 — The Man and the World: Seeing the Game

After leaving Sosuave, Pook started Pook's Mill, and his focus widened. He had noticed that the men who wrote to him weren't just making dating mistakes. They were following a script — one handed to them by parents, schools, movies, and society. He called it The Way:

Go to school. Get the job for security, not passion. Meet a girl, fall in love, marry her. Buy the big house. Work harder to pay for it. Keep going until your soul evaporates.

Volume 2 is about seeing that script clearly — and choosing your own. It opens with the Pookish Commandments, Pook's answer to The Way:

1 Be Who You Are.

2 Fight the Negativism.

3 Become Financially Free.

From there, it takes you deep into the nature of women and of the modern relationship:

• Men's Projection Is Their Greatest Weakness — why men assume women think and love the way men do, and what happens when they are wrong.

• The Golden Rule to Weed Out Women — the single test that reveals a woman's character: "You can tell everything about a woman by how she treats someone who can do nothing for her."

• Anti-Dump's Machine — a simple method for measuring a woman's real interest instead of trying to manufacture it.

• The Fish-Hook Metaphor — why the man who thinks he is the fisherman is often the fish: "It is good to think of the juicy bait. But remember the hook hidden inside."

• Real Ladies Are Rare and Celebrity Is the Opposite of Woman — how to tell a genuine woman from one who only craves attention.

• The Richard II Disease and The Chimera — why men fall under "the spell" of women, and how to break it.

• Marriage and the State, Law Doesn't Care About Your Karma, and What Law Hath Joined Together — a sobering look at how modern marriage and divorce law really work, and what every man should understand before he says "I do."

• The Mill — Pook's journey into Shakespeare, the Bible, Greek myth, and the ancient world, where he finds a wisdom about men and women that modern culture has forgotten.

This volume also includes Pook's blog commentary on the politics and news of his day. The headlines have changed; the patterns he saw in them have not.

How Volume 2 helps you: It gives you the knowledge that protects you. You will learn to filter women by character rather than looks or words, to recognize the traps hidden inside romance and marriage, and to build the financial independence that lets you live your own life. Most of all, it gives you permission to step off the conveyor belt:

"Men Going Their Own Way is not an entitlement for sloth and righteousness. It is an opportunity to live."

The question it leaves you with: Once you see the game, there is a danger. Many men who wake up to it become bitter, angry, and stuck — trading one prison for another. Pook saw this happen again and again. So the final question is: now that you are free, what will you build? That is the subject of Volume 3.

Volume 3 — The Man and His Life: Winning Beyond the Game

Volume 3 is Pook at his most mature. It is the volume that goes beyond — beyond seduction, beyond bitterness, and beyond even the men's movement that first embraced him.

It starts where every free man must: by throwing off guilt. "Cast off that matriarch's guilt," Pook writes, "and, suddenly, all their arrows of shame will bounce harmless off you... The guiltless man has no place in their midst."

From there, Pook shows what a free man's life looks like:

• Real Seduction versus Wimp Seduction — why scripted pickup is just the Nice Guy in a new costume, and what real seduction is: "you act on your desires, rather than react to hers."

• The Human Chessboard and Checkmate! — how many women see relationships as a game of strategy, and how to read the board before you are cornered.

• 51:49 — dealing with women is like a casino, where the house has a small edge. Learn which moves keep the odds on your side.

• 95-5 Rule Is Bunk — why the popular belief that "95% of women chase 5% of men" is false, and why the abundance mindset wins.

• Three Men and the Wolfish Woman — the Nice Guy, the Pickup Artist, and the Smart Guy, retold as the fable of the three little pigs.

• Take Being Called "Gay" as a Compliment — what it really means when a woman tries to shame a single man.

• Two Spheres, Bachelor Joys, and No, I Don't Have Children! — the case for a single man's life as a legitimate, joyful choice, not a failure.

• How Else to Boost Testosterone? — Pook's practical pillars for building the body and drive behind real masculine attraction.

• Why Marriage No Longer Works — the clearest explanation you will read of why the institution changed, and what that means for you.

• Pook as entrepreneur — a run of posts in which Pook studies the entertainment and video-game business of his day, teaching himself how disruption works and how a man builds a business around his passion.

• The Doomslayer and Why Do People Stay Bitter? — why optimism isn't naïve. It is a weapon.

• Time to Move Beyond MGTOW — Pook's bold argument that a movement built on negativity cannot give a man a life.

• Live in the Talent — the closing message of the entire series.

How Volume 3 helps you: It turns freedom into direction. It shows you how to build your body, your finances, and your talent; how to handle women from a position of strength rather than need; and how to avoid the two dead ends that swallow most men: becoming a slave to women, or becoming a slave to bitterness about them. As Pook warns:

"You can win with women and still lose in life."

And as he promises:

"Women have one summer. Men have endless summers."

Why You Should Read All Three

Each volume, read alone, gives you something valuable. But each one, read alone, also leaves you exposed.

• Read only Volume 1, and you may become a better player without becoming a better man. You will win more dates, but you will not see the traps waiting beyond them.

• Read only Volume 2, and you will see the traps — but you risk becoming one of the angry, defeated men Pook spent years trying to rescue.

• Read only Volume 3, and you will get the destination without the road. Many of its ideas — the Nice Guy, the Great Catch, the Mill, The Way — are built in the first two volumes.

Read together, they complete a single transformation:

Volume 1 makes you attractive. Volume 2 makes you wise. Volume 3 makes you free.

Pook summed up his own journey in one line, and it describes the path of this entire series:

"I came here looking for love but discovered life."

A Note on How to Read Pook

These writings were first published online in the 2000s, one post at a time. You will find references to old forums, websites, gadgets, politicians, and news stories from that era. You will find Pook's humor, his exaggeration, his theatrical characters, and at times his sharp, provocative language. He was writing to wake men up, not to please everyone.

Pook never asked to be treated as an oracle. He wrote, "Stop worrying about the Pook and worry about yourselves," and, "If you don't like what the Pook says, don't listen to him." Read him the same way he read Shakespeare and the classics: take what is true, test it against your own life, and leave the rest.

And remember that none of this works on paper alone. As Pook put it:

"Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE."

The journey begins now. In the words of the Shakespeare line that closes Volume 1:

"Readiness is all."

Chapter 3
Back to the Beginning

Chapter 1
Introduction — Back to the Beginning

The beginning. That is the place where men need to get back to if they want their lives with women — and their lives without them — to change.

Not the beginning of a pickup routine. Not the beginning of a new set of lines. The beginning of you.

It is a time to go back and decide what you really want, who you really are, and what you plan to do with the wealth of insight collected in this series. Because the man who called himself Pook spent years answering letters from the same kind of young man: lonely, frustrated, stuck in the friend zone, reading every seduction guide on the internet and still going home alone. He was once that young man himself. And after all the forums, all the theories, and all the failures, he arrived at the one conclusion most dating writers never reach:

“I realized I was the problem, not the women.”

That sentence is the door into this book. The good news hidden inside it is enormous: if you are the problem, then you are also the solution. Nobody has to change for your life to change — except you.

Here is the greatest thing about The Book of Pook. While no one can manufacture a soulmate out of thin air, these pages will teach you how to stop failing with women — and, more importantly, how to stop failing yourself. You will learn what to look for in a woman, how to stop putting her on a pedestal, how to judge her by her actions instead of her words, and how to become a man she cannot casually discard. When you finally do meet a woman you want, you will know how to approach her without neediness, what to say without begging, and what not to do so you do not advertise desperation.

Basically, what this series teaches is the art of becoming a Great Catch — not a wounded bird flying into a cage.

The next obvious question is: Okay, what is a Great Catch?

This is one of the most important ideas in everything that follows. A Great Catch is not a man who memorizes tricks. He is not the Nice Guy who buys gifts hoping she will finally “see” him. He is not the pickup artist running scripts. As Pook put it:

“A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks.”

The Great Catch is the rare man who understands who she is — and better yet, understands who he is. He is free as a bird: full of joy with life, willing to walk away at a moment’s notice. Women want that bird. They do not want the needy bird that wants the cage. Only wounded birds fly into cages. Great Catches do not.

Why does this matter? Simply, it matters because that is the man women are drawn to. Women love mystery. They love a man who is a challenge. They love confidence. They want a man who is centered, who has his purpose, and who knows where he is going. A woman wants a man she cannot have her way with — a man who, no matter what she says or does, will not cave in and abandon his path.

Be honest, gentlemen: if you did not care at all, you would not have picked up this book. Something is not working with what you are already doing. Most guys are clueless about women. Ask them if they understand women and they look at you as if you are speaking a foreign language.

What this series will do for you is give you more than a clue. It will give you a whole new way of seeing. Volume by volume, it will take you through understanding — step by simple step.

- Volume 1 — The Man and Women answers: How do I stop failing with women? It cures approach anxiety, shyness, and Nice Guy syndrome. It shows you the Secret of the Jerk, how to kill desperation, how to recover the playful fearlessness of the Fountain of Youth, how to read Womanese, and the rule under everything else: Women come and go, but YOU are forever.
- Volume 2 — The Man and the World answers: Why is the game set up this way — and how do I avoid its traps? It shows you The Way society hands men, the Pookish Commandments, how to filter women by character, Anti-Dump’s Machine for measuring real interest, and a clear-eyed look at modern marriage and the law.
- Volume 3 — The Man and His Life answers: Once I am free, what do I build? It goes beyond seduction and beyond bitterness — real seduction versus wimp seduction, the bachelor’s freedom, testosterone and talent, and the warning that closes the circle: You can win with women and still lose in life.

You will learn why women fall for the “jerk” and blow off the nice guy — and why the answer is not to become a jerk, but to stop being afraid of your own masculinity. You will learn why women say one thing and respond to another. You will learn that getting a woman is not the same as winning. The best is yet to come: not a fairy-tale ending handed to you, but a life you build because you finally put yourself first.

What you will learn from Pook is what only a small fraction of men ever learn: how to understand women by first becoming a man. Once you understand and apply these principles, you will have little or no competition — not because you look like a movie star, but because most men never leave the Nice Guy trap, never kill their desperation, and never stop chasing formulas.

You do not have to look like a celebrity to attract a beautiful woman. If you are single, there are women out there who would respond to the man you can become on the inside — balanced, centered, confident, no longer intimidated, even by the beautiful ones. Some of what you will learn will seem the opposite of what you think you should do. That is normal. The Nice Guy’s instincts are almost always backwards.

These principles cut across geography and culture because they are not about local dating etiquette. They are about masculine frame, feminine nature, and the habits that make a man magnetic.

It starts before you ever meet a woman you want to date. You first need to become a man worth dating — a man with purpose, options, and the willingness to walk away. Once you meet her, you have to know how to approach without pedestalizing her, how to talk without auditioning for her approval, and how to read whether her interest is real.

Then comes the next step — and here Pook’s teaching diverges from every “call her on day two” formula book. You are not manufacturing interest with perfect timing. You are measuring it. Throughout dating and throughout a relationship, you are gauging her level of interest by what she does, not what she says. When a woman has high interest in you, she helps you. She makes it easy. The lower her interest, the harder everything becomes — and no amount of clever texting will fix a woman who is not interested.

So as you go back to the beginning and re-learn how to approach women, you will learn what to say, how to say it, and how to respond to her questions and her tests. Make no mistake — women test. They test because they want to know what you are made of. They want to know that if they push you or lean on you, you are not going to fall over and cave in to what they want.

That is the beginning. That is where this series starts. And that is where you must return whenever you forget the only rule that never fails:

“Women come and go, but YOU are forever.”

Be honest: if you did not care at all, you would not be here. Something is not working with what you are already doing. This series was written for that man — the one done blaming women, ready to admit he is the problem, and therefore ready to become the solution.

Pook summed up his own path in one line: I came here looking for love but discovered life.

Chapter 6
Fifteen Lessons

A young man sat and pondered the next phase of his life. “It is time,” he said, “for a girlfriend.” Yet, this new course in his life seemed both exciting and frightening. “But success will not come without much failure,” he realized. “If only there was a way to avoid the painful trials ahead.”

And then, like magic, appeared a Pook!

Like anyone shocked by the sudden appearance of a Pook, he was speechless. But this happened to be a talkative Pook who said, “I will guide you. The constant heartbreak, the loneliness, the feeling of having no control—these can be avoided. Follow me and I will show you many of the lessons that must be learned.”

“Oh, Pook!” the young man cried out. “Would it not be better to throw myself into initial error? Is not error the best way to success?”

“No; your heart does not need to be shattered to realize its lessons. Do successful marriages come from a series of failed ones? Of course not. For...

"Foresight teaches gently; error teaches brutally”

With that, the young man asked, “And what is the first lesson?” The Pook replied, “Follow and see.”

Thus, the young man followed Pook to a nearby college campus. Pook then said, “Behold, the first example.”

Chapter 24
The Secret Of The Jerk

(NOTE: This post ended up being longer than I expected, MUCH LONGER. "You should have divided it in many posts." Why write a galaxy of posts when one article will do!)

No, your eyes are not mistaken. The guy with the beautiful woman is a jerk and/or ugly guy! What is he doing with her? Can she not see? Has she not eyes?

Alas! The poor male looks around, knows not who to turn to, and eventually sums up that the universe is a cruel and mysterious personage who deals out no answers, offers no solutions, and gives out no explanations, especially for the enigma of all enigmas, the beautiful woman! Obviously, something is amiss. How do these ugly to average looking guys get such babes? How do these cruel, stupid, barbaric males get these feminine jewels? Are they following a special trick? Are they super 'confident'? What is their secret? Or are they even aware of their secret?

But what if nothing is amiss? What if this is all correct to the will of Nature? Where leaves the Don Juan?

Oh, there she is! The beautiful woman! The ornament of the world! The dream in flesh! She stands aloof on the platform and says, "Gentlemen! How are you to win me?"

And around the platform, a thousand mouths cry:

"Confidence." "Humor." "Patterns."

"Kino." "Chocolate." "Poetry."

"By ignoring you."

"By totally focusing on you." "Puffed muscles." "Flowers."

"Spikey hair." "Endless gifts." "Mirroring." "Leather jackets." "Eliciting values." "Sparkly clothes."

"Bouncy personality." "Romance."

"Dinner. Lobster!" "Compliments." "Guitar songs."

And she laughs only to say, "These are very well and good, gentlemen. But are you not aware that imitation is suicide? You forget that confidence is experience, that puffed muscles are not to be a masculine dress, that any guy can buy me lobster, and that countless many can sing the guitar songs. Are you so unaware of what I need?"

But a lone voice speaks from the floor: "You, madam, are to win me! For I am the prize to be won!"

And with that, she giggles in glee. "For every one of you, there are a thousand guys willing to offer me the above. It is cute that you are different. But why am I with the ugly guy at the end? Why do I prefer the jerk?" And with this the lone voice had no answer.

Then comes the great exclamation: "Because he is a man!" "Yes but no," she snobbily laughs.

"Because he is disrespectful." "He is that but no."

"Because he is an animal." "Not at all!"

"Because he has super ego!" "True, but no."

"Because he wears his cap backwards!" "Hah!"

"Because he is rough and mean." "Nope!"

And then a golden arrow shaft of voice pierced the confusion, penetrated deep within the truth, spread those warm gooey moans of ecstasy throughout, and made her come with such surprising clarity that she screams in delight. For the voice said,

"Extreme masculinity!"

"Oh Pook!" she smiled in radiance. "How right you are!" And all the guys' mouths turned into a big O as the beautiful woman ran off the platform into the arms of Pook.

Having satisfied none of her demands, what she ends up with (the ugly/average guy) becomes seemingly contradictory. Extreme masculinity? What answer can that be?

Oh women! Can you give us no explanations other than the ones that send us off the cliff? Can you not explain yourselves to our perplexed male minds? Alas, it is like speaking to a block. She gives expressions but not answers. She gives demands but not secrets. How smart men may be until they enter a bar! How knowledgeable they seem until they're before a woman!

The Mystery of Mysteries

There are three mysteries to the world: the rise and fall of civilizations, fruitcake, and why beautiful women go for jerks.

Leaving fruitcake and the rise and fall of civilizations for other posts, let us concern ourselves with why beautiful women go for jerks. WHAT IS NATURE'S SECRET?

And, likewise, a sea of mouths with authoritative tongues chant out the usual 'answers': "Confidence"

"Dominance"

"Unpredictability" "Hard to get" "Selfishness" "Rudeness"

And so on. These 'experts' or 'wise sages' merely look at the jerk as a fixed element and classify personality traits or even physical traits. Fools adopt the personality/physical traits. But imitation is suicide.

Why go for the fool's gold when the real gold is in your grasp?

There are things so simple in Nature and life that we utterly confuse them and ourselves with our stupid philosophies (jerks don't need websites like these!). Sexuality is one of these. Our countless readings of seduction over the internet are full of months, if not years. Where has this got you? Yes, you feel you are always right on the edge of THE SECRETS to end your heartaches and tensions but, at the end of the day, you are still in front of your computer.

Someone said to me, "What an odd definition of Man you gave, Pook! A guy not afraid of his testosterone? Surely it is more heroic."

But it is entirely about testosterone. Girls are attracted to GUYS, not wimps, not nice guys, not chumps, but GUYS. Rather than trying to build and discover some killer philosophy to ease your troubles, why not accept the structure Nature has already set up? The secret of the jerks is that it is so widespread, common, and plain that since it is all around us, we can't even distinguish it.

Nature is a process, always seeking and devouring. Nothing remains set; everything's in cycles. Rather than classifying the ACTIONS of the jerk and merely DUPLICATING them, let us adopt the SOURCE so the actions come naturally and without thought or effort.

Pook stands on the fruitcake and calls the surrounding crowd.

Gentlemen! Do say: what type of woman will the Nicest Nice Guy attract? "Sperm whales."

"Hags."

"B*tches." "Uglo girls."

Indeed! What trait commonly unites all these girls that end up with the pathetic Nice Guy?

Silence.

Gentlemen! Your silence most offends me! Sure, these girls may be sweet. Sure, they may be smart. Sure,

They may be many things. Yet, there is one thing that they aren't. They are not feminine. They are not girlish.

The men nod.

And, likewise, what are these Nice Guys, these blobs of appeasing rolls of gooish flesh? Are these the men of the world?

"NO!"

These boys are not exactly feminine, but they certainly aren't masculine. They are neither. They are the androgynous blob who, without a spine, is clay to fit to any woman's desires or whims. Nice guys love women as a drowner loves a life preserver. He clings on to her because he cannot swim the waters of Nature. Tossed and tossed, he becomes through his love life.

The Masculine Male

Pook walks toward a bubbly Nice Guy with a needle of Man-ness.

"No! The prick will hurt me!"

Fine, die a painful long death of Regret, Loneliness, and Frustration. Any other takers?

Another Nice Guy volunteered.

See? This fella knows that a momentary pain is preferable to consistent suffering.

Pook puts the shot into the Nice Guy and injects him with testosterone.

Now, gentlemen, watch the effects.

The Nice Guy no longer fears what he desires. He sees the woman he wants. He approaches her.

Why do jerks approach women? To marry them? No! The jerk is operating not out of control with 'that head down there' but rather being influenced properly by his testosterone. He sees what he wants and goes and gets it. He does not apologize for it. He does not try to rationalize it. He does not analyze it. There are no stupid philosophies running around in the jerk's head.

The Nice Guy gets rejected by the woman!

Oh, oh! Poor Nice Guy! But look, something is changing. Look at the anger building up in him. Something is being charged within him. It is frustration. It is anger. The worst thing for him to do would be to cry and duck his head in the sand. Constant rejection requires one of two solutions: either lower your standards or increase your standards in yourself.

But it is true that standards do not enter the jerk's mind. He gets frustrated and angry. He tries again with MUCH LESS awkwardness. Nature's system is at work here, chiseling his social exterior. He gets the dates.

The Nice Guy gets dumped after a few dates.

Oh dear! What happened!? Why, perhaps the Nice Guy was trying to mock earlier jerk behavior and remetamorphed into an AFC eventually before his chick! Imitation IS suicide. No wonder chicks are so hard for honesty!

Do jerks really care about pleasing the women in the spirit of altruism and glorious relationship? "Yes."

Hush you! The jerks obviously DO NOT care about the women in such a manner. Their testosterone says, "I have needs that need to be fulfilled. Entertain me." And so the jerks come off self-centered not because they ARE self-centered, but because they are closer to their own male nature and seek to satisfy their thirst.

The nice guy sees that fun is merely being around a beautiful woman. The jerk is a bit more... active. He wants to have fun his way. She is along for the ride.

It has been well known that action dates (e.g., dancing, bowling, rock climbing, etc.) work MUCH BETTER than regular dates (coffee, dinner, movie, etc). Rather than merely matching the effect (the action date), let us focus on the cause.

The jerk would obviously skateboard and play basketball rather than sit at dinner and watch the girl flap her gums. Testosterone has been shown to create more ACTION in the individual. Jerks (i.e. testosteronized males) do the action NATURALLY. Rather than worrying about making yourself do action dates, get yourself in that nature set and action dates will become the only comfortable choice you could make.

The Nice Guy gets dumped because he hardly made any moves.

Oh no! We know how the girl gets mistreated and will talk to her girly friend (the nice guy) about it. We see the abuse and we think, "Oh heavens! Am I to be abusive to get the girl?" What is this abuse? Is she really hurt? Or is she merely mad that she has failed in her mission: to sterilize and link to the masculinized dude?

"But the guy stands her up all the time, etc. etc."

It is not because he stands her up. It is because she knows she is not loved by him. Her feminine powers are not ensnaring him. It is a feminine failure.

The girl sleeps with the jerk and he leaves her. We, as guys, think the abuse is the jerk sleeping with the girl merely to 'use' her (and motherly harpies try to feminize us into not doing 'this'). Rather, the 'abuse' is that the girl realizes she could not keep the guy. She 'was not woman enough'.

Nature's Path Leads to Women

As men, we are governed by two masters: Mind and Nature. (NOT mind and body. Nature refers to the processes and cycles that our bodies are only but a part.)

Both fight one another.

Mind: "The finest philosophies will get us the women." Nature: "You bore me. Unleash me."

But what will get the women? Mind: "Calculation. Seduction." Nature: "Instinct. Masculinity."

And why should you get any women?

Mind: "Because everyone else is, and I am not." Nature: "Because I am MALE and she is FEMALE."

Now let us throw some obstacles at the two. Let us say they are unceasingly unsuccessful in obtaining the beautiful women.

What are your reactions?

Mind: "This is obviously a failure within my calculation, my framing of the events. I will solve this with more seduction research, essay writing on message boards, for I treat sexual dynamics like an academic degree."

Nature: "The failure is in not being male enough. Increased masculinity is the solution." But you who enraged the poets and tortured the philosophers, please, please elaborate.

Nature: When the embryo is at three months, it is unisex. It is both sexes at once. Alas, from then it divides into a gender (of which we cannot choose, of which enforces a code of conduct and duties of behavior we cannot control or understand. And we call ourselves free...)

Mind: Yes, yes. One-half turns male, the other female. It is in my books.

Nature: Then I shall burn your library. For Nature always has more secrets than you can decipher. Gender is not all or none.

There is a MIX.

Mind: But this is in my books. In Sex and Character, Weininger says that from birth, males and females are divided. Some males are 70% male, 30% female. Others are 80% male, 20% female. It is vice versa for women. We know of effeminate men. We know of tomboys. Attraction is not a choice. A male that is 60% male and 40% female will attract a female that is 60% female and 40% male. A female that is 90% female and 10% male will attract a male that is 90% male and 10% female. It is a fact that some men are more feminine than others. This attraction scale is destiny: we mate with what fills the void the best. This is the mix that Weininger speaks of, is marked in the very first chapter of his book and made everything else possible.

Nature: I wonder if you would talk then till doomsday? Your followers, your philosophers, lawyers, academics, prattle and rattle on just like you! You are completely unaware of the seasons of life that color and sparkle the world. But I hesitate!

Mind: Like the flow and ebb of the moon.

Nature: Quiet you! Weininger and others of his ilk made good attempts at trying to discover my secrets. They tried to 'pop' themselves out of my earthly cycle and peer upon my work with the eyes of a god. Melancholy is my vengeance. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard, I drove those two mad. For Weininger I made his life so unpleasant that he had to shoot himself.

Mind: Is this your only vengeance?

Nature: No. It is reserved for anyone who frustrates my cycle. A man who persistently stays single becomes a public temptation. I chisel away at him to make him more appropriate and correct the purpose of getting the women and carrying on my work.

Mind: But he will not do this. And your melancholy will not work because of the female attention he receives.

Nature: I make and unmake the Adonis. The beautiful boy, refusing to use my gift for my purpose, enjoys being slaughtered by the elephant's tusk, the early, untimely death. I will not be defied.

Mind: Yet, Weininger explained to you.

Nature: Fool! Your 'mix' is all wrong. It is true that it is not simply 'male' and 'female'. But there is androgynous, where the male levels are so low in the male that he is barely a male. Or that the female levels are so low in the female that she is barely a female.

Mind: You divided us before birth.

Nature: And I inject you again with my touch at puberty. The boy must become a man and the girl a woman. But, alas, many attempt to buck my ways to follow YOU. Nerds, geeks, we know the labels. The longer a man tries to ignore the fact of my mission and cycle, the more pain and loneliness I will add into him until he has no choice to act.

Mind: You are vicious.

Nature: It gets the job done. But Weininger is wrong. We are not born into a spectrum. Rather, we can add to it or decrease it. The element of attraction is destruction.

Mind: Destruction?

Nature: If a woman is amazingly female, what is the result? Mind: Hordes of men hunt after her.

Nature: Yes. Extremeness of spectrum is an anomaly that must be sought out and destroyed. The female is feminine with matter. Girls at an early age are aware the effects their bodies have on young men. They know they are like a magnet. But who do they go for? The beautiful woman is the extreme female? Why, she is seeking the extreme male. By the actions of the jerk, who can say that he is not looking for destruction? He finds it in her and she finds it in him. I demand sterilization of the two. The more successes they have, the more and more it is drained from them. Eventually, they settle for one mate and begin the march toward the androgynous.

Mind: So the beautiful woman is attracted to the jerk because...

Nature: It is better to say that the extreme female woman is attracted to the extreme male man. And this is the utterly simple secret. Jerks are not super confident, not superior in all seduction. Knowledge. Jerks are testosteronized males. This separates them from the Nice Guys who still defy the flooding of testosterone Nature inflicts on them.

Science of Testosterone

Be a Man!: "A Man is one who is not afraid of his testosterone."

This will seem incredibly basic. But to illustrate the effects, look at the effects of men who must be injected with artificial testosterone because (for whatever reason) their body isn't making enough (usually because of having HIV).

One HIV positive guy shares his differences with the before and after shots:

His weight increases from 165 pounds to 185 pounds. The collar size goes from 15 to 17 1/2, the chest from 40 to 44. His appetite expands beyond measure. Before he was constantly napping. Now he has enough energy for daily workouts and strict work schedules. Before, depression was a regular feature. Now, it is a 'distant memory'. With the testosterone shots, he feels better to recover from life's curveballs, more persistent, more alive.

There are more effects. With the testosterone, he feels more energy. The attention span shortens. He finds it harder to concentrate on writing and feels he must exercise. The wit becomes quicker, the mind faster, and the judgement more impulsive. It is literally a 'rush'.

Without the testosterone, he finds himself more reserved. The energy still is there but is geared towards interaction rather than action, toward pride rather than lust. He rarely looks for dates or thinks of approaching women without it. But with it, he is constantly scanning the women for potential dates and socializing.

With testosterone comes increased debating type attitudes, and increased anger. Driving makes him scream at the other cars and 'stupid drivers'. (This is oddly reminiscent of Thomas Jefferson's personality when he was always said to be 'unemotional' except when riding a horse and became 'overly' emotional.) With testosterone comes increased impatience, increased edginess, but increased self- confidence.

Now, do these traits of the under-testosteronized male and over-testosteronized male match the Nice Guy and Jerk? They do most accurately.

For the rest, we require a scientist.

A scientist appears.

There you are! Oh, Mr. Scientist, tell us more about testosterone. "I'd love to, Pook.

"Testosterone, oddly enough, is a chemical closely related to cholesterol. It was first isolated by a Dutch scientist in 1935 from mice testicles and successfully synthesized by the German biologist Adolf Butenandt. Although testosterone is often thought of as the definition of maleness, both men and women produce it. Men produce it in their testicles; women produce it in their ovaries and adrenal glands. The male body converts some testosterone to estradiol, a female hormone, and the female body has receptors for testosterone, just as the male body does. That's why women who want to change their sex are injected.

With testosterone and develop male characteristics like deeper voices, facial hair and even baldness. The central biological difference between adult men and women, then, is not that men have testosterone and women don't. It's that men produce much, much more of it than women do. An average woman has 40 to 60 nanograms of testosterone in a deciliter of blood plasma. An average man has 300 to 1,000 nanograms per deciliter."

Ok, ok, Mr. Scientist. You are putting this Pook to sleep. The EFFECTS of testosterone. Focus on the EFFECTS.

"Certainly, Pook.

"Testosterone's effects start early really early. At conception, every embryo is female and, unless hormonally altered, will remain so. You need testosterone to turn a fetus with a Y chromosome into a real boy, to masculinize his brain and body. Men experience a flood of testosterone twice in their lives: in the womb about six weeks after conception and at puberty. The first fetal burst primes the brain and the body, endowing male fetuses with the instinctual knowledge of how to respond to later testosterone surges. The second, more familiar adolescent rush — squeaky voices, facial hair and all — completes the process."

Go on.

"The effect of testosterone is systemic. It engenders both the brain and the body. Apart from the obvious genital distinction, other differences between men's and women's bodies reflect this: body hair, the ratio of muscle to fat, upper-body strength and so on. But testosterone leads to behavioral differences as well. Since it is unethical to experiment with human embryos by altering hormonal balances, much of the evidence for this idea is based on research conducted on animals. A Stanford research group, for example, as reported in Deborah Blum's book "Sex on the Brain," injected newborn female rats with testosterone.

Not only did the female rats develop penises from their clitorises, but they also appeared fully aware of how to use them."

What!

"Indeed. But let me continue." Yes, I am sorry.

"And these female rats were trying to have sex with other females with merry abandon. Male rats who had their testosterone locked after birth, on the other hand, saw their penises wither or disappear entirely and presented themselves to the female rats in a passive, receptive way. Other scientists, theorizing that it was testosterone that enabled male zebra finches to sing, injected mute female finches with testosterone. Sure enough, the females sang. Species in which the female is typically more aggressive, like hyenas in female-run clans, show higher levels of testosterone among the females than among the males. Female sea snipes, which impregnate the males, and leave them to stay home and rear the young, have higher testosterone levels than their mates. Typical "male" behavior, in other words, corresponds to testosterone levels, whether exhibited by chromosomal males or females."

But does this apply to Humans?

"The evidence certainly suggests that it does, though much of the ,"proof" is inferred from accidents. Pregnant women who were injected with progesterone (chemically similar to testosterone) in the 1950s to avoid miscarriage had daughters who later reported markedly tomboyish childhoods."

Incredible!

"Ditto girls born with a disorder that causes their adrenal glands to produce a hormone like testosterone rather than the more common cortisol. The moving story, chronicled in John Colapinto's book "As Nature Made Him," of David Reimer, who as an infant was surgically altered after a botched circumcision to become a girl, suggests how long-lasting the effect of fetal testosterone can be. Despite a ruthless attempt to socialize David as a girl, and to give him the correct hormonal treatment to develop as one, his behavioral and psychological makeup was still ineradicably male. Eventually, with the help of more testosterone, he became a full man again. Female-to-male transsexuals report a similar transformation when injected with testosterone. One, Susan/Drew Seidman, described her experience in The Village Voice last November. 'My sex-drive went through the roof,' Seidman recalled. 'I felt like I had to have sex once a day or I would die.I was into porn as a girl, but now I'm really into porn.' For Seidman, becoming a man was not merely physical. Thanks to testosterone, it was also psychological." So what makes a Man?

"I don't know what exactly makes a man. But one thing I can tell you for sure: it is not his penis." Oh, wise sage! Wonderful scientist!

But do not confuse testosterone with Popeye's spinach. Nature says, "Testosterone levels will rise when the situation warrants it. Survival is the priority." So in cases of danger, of war, the testosterone levels increase. When in a strip club or viewing a porno website, testosterone levels also rise. Men with higher testosterone achieve psychological dominance, have high self-esteem, and move through the world with natural confidence.

"But Pook. I have more to add."

Tarry! Then I will step aside and let you speak.

"Testosterone is clearly correlated in both men and women with psychological dominance, confident physicality and high self-esteem. In most combative, competitive environments, especially physical ones, the person with the most testosterone wins. Put any two men in a room together and the one with more testosterone will tend to dominate the interaction."

Gentlemen, this is your secret 'ingredient' to that 'alpha-maleness' you keep longing for.

"Working women have higher levels of testosterone than women who stay at home, and the daughters of working women have higher levels of testosterone than the daughters of housewives. A 1996 study found that in lesbian couples in which one partner assumes the male, or "butch," role and another assumes the female, or "femme," role, the "butch" woman has higher levels of testosterone than the "femme" woman."

Ahh! So in lesbian couples, one acts male and the other acts female.

"In naval medical tests, midshipmen have been shown to have higher average levels of testosterone than plebes. Actors tend to have more testosterone than ministers, according to a 1990 study. Among 700 male prison inmates in a 1995 study, those with the highest testosterone levels tended to be those most likely to be in trouble with the prison authorities and to engage in unprovoked violence. This is true among women as well as among men, according to a 1997 study of 87 female inmates in a maximum security prison."

Whohoo! The key to dominance! "Careful Pook.

"Although high testosterone levels often correlate with dominance in interpersonal relationships, it does not guarantee more social power. Testosterone levels are higher among blue-collar workers, for example, than among white-collar workers, according to a study of more than 4,000 former military personnel conducted in 1992."

But is testosterone like adrenaline? Or does it respond to long-term surrounding environment stimuli?

"Well Pook, studies have shown that inner-city youths, often exposed to danger in high-crime neighborhoods, may generate higher testosterone levels than unthreatened, secluded suburbanites. And so high testosterone levels may not merely be responses to a violent environment; they may subsequently add to it in what becomes an increasingly violent, sexualized cycle."

Increase in violence AND sexuality? Then it's no accident that testosterone-soaked ghettos foster both high levels of crime and high levels of illegitimacy!

"Indeed, Pook. In the same way, declines in violence and crime may allow testosterone levels to drop among young inner-city males, generating a virtuous trend of further reductions in crime and birth rates. This may help to explain why crime can decline precipitously, rather than drift down slowly, over time."

But what for the men who enter that dungeon, I mean marriage?

"Studies have also shown that men in long-term marriages see their testosterone levels progressively fall and their sex drives subsequently decline. It is as if their wives successfully tame them, reducing their sexual energy to a level where it is more unlikely to seek extramarital outlets. A 1993 study showed that single men tended to have higher levels of testosterone than married men and that men with high levels of testosterone turned out to be more likely to have had a failed marriage. Of course, if you start out with higher testosterone levels, you may be more likely to fail at marriage, stay in the sexual marketplace, see your testosterone increase in response to this, and so on."

So what is the entire point, Mr. Brainy Guy?

"This, then, is what it comes down to: testosterone is a facilitator of risk — physical, criminal, personal. Without the influence of testosterone, the cost of these risks might seem to far outweigh the benefits. But with testosterone charging through the brain, caution is thrown to the wind. The influence of testosterone may not always lead to raw physical confrontation. In men with many options, it may influence the decision to invest money in a dubious enterprise, jump into an ill-advised sexual affair or tell an egregiously big whopper. At the time, all these decisions may make some sort of testosteroned sense."

It sounds like you are describing a US politician. "Hush Pook." Oh, I'm sorry. Continue.

"The effects of testosterone are not secret; neither is the fact that men have far more of it than women. But why? As we have seen, testosterone is not synonymous with gender; in some species, it is the female who has most of it. The relatively new science of evolutionary psychology offers perhaps the best explanation for why that's not the case in humans. For neo-Darwinians, the aggressive and sexual aspects of testosterone are related to the division of labor among hunter-gatherers in our ancient but formative evolutionary past. This division — men in general hunted, women in general gathered — favored differing levels of testosterone. Women need some testosterone — for self-defense, occasional risk-taking, strength — but not as much as men. Men use it to increase their potential to defeat rivals, respond to physical threats in strange environments, maximize their physical attractiveness, prompt them to spread their genes as widely as possible and defend their home if necessary."

But women are attracted, in the physical imagery sense, to the feminine-looking guys. How can testosterone increase physical attractiveness? I do not understand.

"But the picture, as most good evolutionary psychologists point out, is more complex than this. Men who are excessively testosteroned are not that attractive to most women. Although they have the genes that turn women on — strong jaws and pronounced cheekbones, for example, are correlated with high testosterone -- they can also be precisely the unstable, highly sexed creatures that childbearing, stability- seeking women want to avoid. There are two ways, evolutionary psychologists hazard, that women have successfully squared this particular circle. One is to marry the sweet class nerd and have an affair with the college quarterback: that way you get the good genes, the good sex and the stable home."

This has always been the problem. Nice Guy or Jerk? "There is a third path." A third way? And what is it?

"The third way is to find a man with variable testosterone levels, who can be both stable and nurturing when you want him to be and yet become a muscle-bound, bristly gladiator when the need arises. This is sadly more easily said than done."

Ahh! The secret is to CONTROL the sexuality or else it will control you! The jerk is entirely controlled by it. The Nice Guy recoils from the abuses he sees in the jerk and becomes merely static on the woman's radar.

To be a jerk in control of his sexuality is to cease being 'jerk-like'. For Nature has set up this game of life we all play.

Learn the system and work within it. No Nice Guy in Animal World Now we require a farmer.

A farmer appears.

What are the effects of testosterone on animals?

The farmer looks at Pook as if he was crazy.

Yes, the effects.

"Well, one thing with animals is that the female is usually the one more in heat, always searching for sex, than the male. Take female pigs. They go completely berserk."

Go on.

"But it is exactly what that scientist said. Nature dashes some testosterone to create the male at first. Then, at puberty, Nature floods the male with testosterone. If you neuter the animal before this flood, you will have a great pet."

And if you don't?

"Well, you end up with an unhappy beast. Male pigs must be neutered or the testosterone will flood the body, making its meat worthless. This is why we don't eat bull."

So our animal friends, when testosteronized, are merely to mate? There is no other strength in it?

"That isn't true. If you neuter the dog before he gets testosteronized, he makes a great pet. But he will not make a good sheepdog. It's almost like his will of action gets taken out."

And so is the same with Humans! What do Nice Guys become but human pets for the female? And just as animals use their sexuality for action, for a higher purpose, so do Humans.

The Women Agree

Even on this site's discussion of 'Nice Guys versus Jerks', read what some of what the women had to say.

Italics will be the woman. Regular text will be da Pook Man.

First Lady

Alright, I read some of your responses from women and noticed that most of them seemed older.

And probably uglier! It is the pretty chicks we want. Too bad pictures weren't included with their words! And since a lot of guys who go here seem to be around my age (17), I figured I would put my 2 cents in. Here it comes...

I don't like the nice guy. To me, he's a definite turnoff. He seems too timid to pursue intimacy, and personally I love it when a guy is really horny (as long as he's attractive and knows when to stop). It makes me feel a lot more comfortable.

Too timid to pursue intimacy! Perhaps he needs a shot of testosterone? Notice how she loves a guy being horny (just not a stupid type of horny). She feels COMFORTABLE when the guy is following his nature rather than acting out stupid philosophies.

I'm not saying I like jerks. I like the funny guy who always has something interesting or colorful to say. Normally girls look for someone of their 'niceness quotient' or lower. Feeling like the jerk in the relationship is no fun. Of course, neither is being the '*****' so it's totally up to the chick. Maybe u nice guys should get a bit more bold, not necessarily 'jerk-ish'

Fortune favors the bold.

Second Lady

Women start to see the light in their late twenties. Some men never do.

As women get older, they become less feminine in that they are rapidly aging. Yes, Nice Guys can get girls. All the girls we DON'T want.

My advice to the nice guys whose decency might be hampering their dating success is to widen the pool of women they consider.

Translated: go for uglier/older girls.

A current philosophy among some (male) dating gurus is to never date a woman over 30, as they are too set in their ways, hate men, and are starting to lose their looks, anyway. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Older women have developed depth of character, have learned that "nice guys" are the way to go, and are in their sexual prime. In addition, they know who they are sexually, and are unashamed and unafraid to experiment and to take and give pleasure. Sex with a woman over 35 might be some of the best sex a man will ever have.

Over 35! She can't have many children by then! At that age, she is losing her purpose of sexuality.

The problem with dating women under 25, which seems to be the goal for many men of all age groups, is that one will have to contend with the image-seeking behavior of youth. Unless a man is equally shallow and image-driven---and most men over 30 are not---women in their 30s, 40s, and up can be a goldmine of interesting and wonderful experiences.

We know that the young women go for the jerks. But notice how the desexualized male (i.e. Nice Guy) wins with the desexualized female (i.e. women in their 30s and 40s)?

Third Woman

I date only nice guys. Most women want to date a nice guy. But men are being classified into two groups, nice or jerks.

That doesn't cover the subject. People are more complex than that. Neither sex can be grouped into just two groups.

Of course.

The "NICE GUY" is often a man who doesn't have a life. And neither sex is attracted to this type of person. A truly nice guy is hard to find. A true jerk most women don't want. I think we try to make people fit into a category instead of getting to know them. You can't always know what a woman wants based on another woman's choices.

Why not? Women seem to follow the same pattern of going for the jerk.

It is true that the Nice Guy has no life. It is because he lacks the ACTION that the jerk has.

I love a nice guy. To me, nothing is sexier than a guy who has the guts to say he really likes me on a first date. And yes, I do continue dating him! I must clear one last thing up "Nice guys do FINISH last" and I find that to be very sexy! He is the one I'll see again.

This woman must be fat or old or something.

Fourth Girl

Sorry, but it's no more true that women prefer jerks than it is true that men prefer *****es.

The thing is, the nice guys who are with a woman are not out there complaining that women don't like nice guys. The nice guys who are not with a woman will express their loneliness in a nice way, from time to time. The jerks who are not with a woman never complain about it. They lie and say they do have a woman, or many women, or they don't want a woman. Nice guys don't lie like that.

The jerk is a challenge. The nice guy wants to go to Oprah's show.

The truth is that nice guys are alone from time to time. The truth is that there are plenty of people out there looking for the right one. Keep looking, you will find her.

It is interesting that women are all united in the belief that there is 'one for everyone'. It's as if they are well aware of Nature's invisible hand demanding union.

PS. You are a guy, right? So looks are very important to you? Let's say you think you could not be with less than an "8".

I know huge compromise is not possible, but just try to accept a "7" or a "6" perhaps. Women get a lot better looking TO YOU after you know and love them. Give it a try. If I had a brother and he was a nice guy, the above advice is what I would have given him.

Notice how many of these women are missing the point here. The point is to get the BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. Some of these girls' solutions are to not go for the beautiful ones!

But all the attributes of the jerk they love (the action, the horniness, the unpredictability, the exciting life) are all effects of a testosteronized male.

Fifth Girl

I don't think that women are attracted to jerks, but they are attracted to men that illuminate power. Those types of men (powerful, strong and masculine) are sometimes jerks, which accounts for the confusion.

Finally! A woman links the jerk to masculinity. But it is the effects of testosterone she sees.

The nice guy sometimes is not strong or powerful and that's what turns women off. So in essence, it's not the fact that they are nice, it's that they may be lacking other attractive qualities that outweigh the niceness.

Which the Nice Guys do NOT have or are afraid of (and sterilize themselves with 'nice' philosophies). Ultimately, I love nice guys that illuminate strength and masculinity. There is no better combination. It becomes quite simple:

NICE GUY: Male who is scared of his testosterone and seeks to sterilize himself with his niceness.

JERK: A male who merely acts male. He is controlled by his testosterone. This is why he gets into trouble.

GREAT GUY: A guy who can CONTROL his sexuality and acts male WITHOUT getting into trouble.

Sixth Girl

I got the e-mail about the nice guys vs. jerks. I'm totally for nice guys in a relationship, but when it comes to lusting or dreaming about a guy, it's usually the jerks, b/c most jerks have the nice bodies and have that something that's sexy about them.

Can you not see the pattern emerging? Are we not seeing the Jerk and Nice Guy for what they truly are?

Seventh Girl

I recognized some time ago exactly what I was doing... I was looking for a specific "character," for lack of a better word. It's epitomized by Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club," or by Elvis Presley in "King Creole" for your readers who aren't up on the 80s John Hughes phenomenon. Essentially, they're "bad boys with heart." I've dated guys who are nice - JUST nice, and I get bored after about three dates. "Bad boys" are much more interesting, of course, although it's not a wish of women that these guys are REALLY bad. Misunderstood would be a better word.

Check out the local oldies station for "Leader of the Pack" and you'll get the idea. A guy who's a troublemaker enough to be dangerous and daring and fun and keep life interesting, but who is a real sweetheart underneath. Hell, even when I was in 8th grade, I was much more infatuated with Jason Bateman's character on Silver Spoons (the best friend/next-door neighbor who was always causing trouble to get attention from parents he thought didn't care) than Ricky Schroeder's... Ricky was so sweet he was saccharine.

The problem that I've run into, as I'm sure many women have, is that most of these "bad boys" don't seem to have the good hearts we seek. What you see is what you get.

This is because they are CONTROLLED by it. The only way to get both, and be the desire of every woman, is to understand it and CONTROL it.

By the time you realize it, you may have been dating this jerk for a while. When you ditch him, it's "on with the search." For the same damned thing. This is where guys will get the idea that jerks get all the women. They see us in the process of the search. What they need to understand is that we're not looking for some nasty idiot; behind it all is the wish to find that guy who can be trouble to everyone else but nice to us. Just like Judd.

Eighth Girl

Nice guys vs. jerks isn't the real issue here, it is all about confidence. The major difference between nice guys and jerks is this: if a nice guy has the guts to approach a woman who has caught his attention, he is so worried about saying the perfect "nice" thing that he will totally flub it. The "nice" one ends up stumbling away from the object of his desires with his tail caught between his legs ... for those who don't already realize, this is NOT the impression you want to make!

A jerk, on the other hand, appears to have been blessed with the ability to approach anyone and say just what's on his mind, completely disregarding any of the repercussions. He just does it. I have no clue how he does it. But DAMN, the man who has the confidence to accomplish that has caught my eye for the night whether he wants it or not!

What does this say? She is saying: "Stop trying to say the perfect thing!" This was why I left 'Seduction' behind and gone the Natural route. It is more fun, fewer headaches, and gets better effects.

Ninth Girl

Don't think women don't like nice guys. There is an initial appeal to a jerk, but it doesn't last long. As long as you don't act desperate and have a little something going for you, believe me, a nice guy CAN finish first - and with the girl of his dreams.

Translated: Treat yourself as the PRIZE to be won.

This solves a lot of errors, but it is not enough. Mastering the secret of the jerk optimizes your sexual appeal.

Tenth Girl

This is from the book (which I am sure many of you have read) called The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Ms. Rand's Objectivism was always a bit thorny going down philosophically. (And I know how women are the sexual ones which is strange with the person of Ms. Rand. Yet, Ms. Rand's 'noble hero' is entirely in the sexual realm. Her heroes are her ideal men.)

Objectivism is, in Ms. Rand's words, a 'noble' vision of Man which characters like John Galt as symbols. But Objectivism is more of a style of masculinity than it is a philosophy. Her heroes usually blast philosophical 'niceness' away.

In The Fountainhead, the hero (Roark) is not attractive and said to be even ugly. His rival, (Keating), is the pretty boy. But notice the effect that Roark has on Dominique, the extraordinarily beautiful woman. At the quarry, he does not seduce her. He literally rapes her (as virgin girls are often said to express as fantasy).

At a later party, the people notice Dominique (usually surrounded by desperate guys) show signs of attraction.

"And, my dear," asked Kiki Holcombe, "what did you think of that new one, you know, I saw you talking to him, that Howard Roark?"

"I think," said Dominique firmly, "that he is the most revolting person I've ever met." "Oh, now, really?"

"Do you care for that sort of unbridled arrogance? I don't know what one could say for him, unless it's that he's terribly good-looking, if that matters."

"Good-looking!? Are you being funny, Dominique?"

The beautiful woman is attracted to this ugly guy. But why?

"Why, my dear," said kiki, "he's not good-looking at all, but extremely masculine." Extreme masculinity.

This is what the beautiful woman wants. Now for the males:

First Male

One thing to add on the nice guys V jerks thing: jerks win because in their selfish insensitivity, they never hide their raw sexuality. Nice guys, in their sensitivity, hide their sexuality because they think it will oppress women.

This guy is on the right track.

Women are powerfully attracted to guys who are open with their sexuality, thus the jerks win.

EXACTLY!

Now it is important to realize that being open with your sexuality is not about being a macho wanker, but simply about not denying that you want to have sex with her. She knows it anyway, and if you don't let the world know it, you're headed right for the friendship zone, which is great if you want to chat all night only to see her waltz out the door and straight into bed with some ******* who just walked in, but useless if you want to be the one helping her mess up her sheets.

SO TRUE!

To be open with your sexuality all you have to do is to be yourself knowing that it is fine to feel sexual about her, just don't drool or go straight for the Wanna Fuck approach (although even that works about 10% of the time).

When we acted on our desires as AFCS, we got burned. So many of us became desireless (which is not bad for getting the attention of many pretty babes). But male lust turns women on. The problem is not the male lust, it is putting that male lust in ridiculous philosophies such as the 'Nice Guy' way and so on.

Realize that there are no philosophies with dealing with Nature and trust your gut more.

Be nice by all means. In fact I would advocate nothing but niceness, but you have to combine it with strength and let your sexuality shine through. After all, the difference between you and the jerk is that you are nice. He is sexual, but who does she take home???

Second Male

This is regarding the Nice guy-Jerk controversy. Just want to confirm some claims with first-hand experience.

Listen to this one. He describes why even ugly guys get the beautiful babes.

I'm 22, an Aerospace Graduate student and considered myself in the past to be a nice guy, and still a nice guy. Recently, I'm working weekends as a bouncer. (I'm a fully qualified Ju-Jitsu 1st Dan Black Belt, but getting some free sex on the side is part of my agenda too). The truth is I can't keep the women off me. I don't know how many numbers I'm gathering, cause I can't keep track. Why not before when I was a nice- guy and concerned for my female friends?

My reasoning is that the theory of Male Dominance/Machoness or jerkiness is in effect. One girl even spelled it out for me the other night at this club I was working. Her words were something to the effect of: "90% of girls would go out with you because you're the bouncer, but you're also really good looking and sweet," or something like this.

It is STRENGTH women are attracted to. But where does this strength come from? Why do guys love crushing their bodies in the gym or in sports? It is the testosterone.

Well, now that I think about it, she's right. I see fat, ugly, bouncers who just got out of jail picking up girls all the time, whereas they wouldn't stand a chance if they weren't bouncers.Why? Because they're

"tough-guys."

And as we see, this also explains why UGLY guys get the beautiful girls. It has nothing to do with confidence; it has everything to do with testosterone. Some guys can be very confident with debates, with presentations, etc. But get them in front of a woman and they freeze. Whereas some guys cannot do all the former but know EXACTLY what to do when around women.

In my case, I am both very polite and considerate (towards women and men, except on a bad day, when I don't give a fuck).

Seeing this it seems to turn them on. It's the mixed signal theory where women see that you're a 'tough guy' and a 'nice guy' at the same time - the classic Humphrey Bogart thing.

SO the bottom line is: Be tough (or if you're not, look tough and act tough). This isn't to say become a bouncer, because it is not only dangerous and risky but also very foolish, and not worth it, unless you have the skill. Even then. Personally, I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so I don't mind.

Another tip - flaunt the things you're good at or like to do, or your accomplishments. But don't lie, so that upon confrontation, you're open-jawed. (i.e. I'm a pilot, and I mention this to chicks I date because I love flying and it's a part of me. It's my only hobby. And it's something not all do and so is an attention getter.)

Hope this helps. We all have a lot to learn so don't worry, you'll get there if you try. It's a matter of educating yourself about these things. I believe and I'm far from it, but the 'real Don Juans' (like the movies) have learned many hard lessons and have keenly observed others and the mistakes they make. It's like Aviation. You don't want to be in the NTSB accident report. You want to read it and learn from other's mistakes. Good luck !!

Third Male

Well here is my two cents worth, and it's going to piss off most of the chicks and a lot of wimpy men.

Wimpy men! That perfectly describes these guys who are scared of their sexuality, of the effects their testosterone might have on them.

Girls do like jerks, especially the pretty girls (fair or not you fellows know the pretty ones are the ones we want).

PRECISELY!

And these girls can have anyone they want, so they deserve no sympathy when they get treated like dirt. Ladies, please spare me the fecal matter about how you don't know he is a jerk. Guys if you are a shoulder to cry on for these women you are a bunch of damn fools.

Yes!

What I really get tired of hearing is that when women get older, they become more attracted to nice guys. This is true only if she has gained 100lbs,has finally divorced the jerk, and has a couple of his kids she needs some sucker to help support.

Exactly!

Even then she will secretly always want him back. It happens to me constantly, and these chicks can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.

It is not that Nice Guys finish last. It is that Nice Guys, when it comes to the woman's lust, do not win at all.

The best seducer I know personally is an alcoholic, ex-convict, pathological liar with a violent temper, who can't hold down a job.

And yet some of you guys are reading seduction material until your eyes hurt! As the scientist said above, high rates of testosterone are found in criminals, in gigantic liars, and such.

Hell, look at how popular Bill Clinton is with women voters. This is why I'm primarily interested in financial success.

To hell with these dumb chicks. Let them marry a turd and live in misery. I'm going to have a nice home, car, and retire comfortably.

Heh. At least he knows what he wants.

If you're nice, she thinks you are a puss, chump and not a real man. It's always been this way and always will be.

Actors, pro athletes, rock stars, and drug dealers are always awash with women, and these guys are known scum.

These guys are also the ones who are rated with the highest testosterone levels. This is the jerk's secret and he doesn't even realize it.

Fourth Male

This male we all know. His name is Jake Steed:

Here are some examples for you. I have a co-worker and friend who is one of the best natural seductionists I've ever met.

He has fucked more women than any of the guys here could dream of. Yes, he parties, and yes he seduces.

Yes! We all have met them.

He just so happens to be the most brilliant, accomplished person of his position in the company. So how about your theory that seduction "swallows" you up? Don't be ridiculous. LIFE is about balance.

And yes! Jake illustrates my point here. The answer is because he does not 'seduce'. He is a natural man. Highly testosteronized males, especially if they can control it, rise far in the business world.

The difference between Apollonian and Dionysian at its ROOT LEVEL is that Apollonian CONTROLS Nature while Dionysian is CONTROLLED by it. Apollonian is not to cast Nature out to the netherworld or to be a killjoy.

I'll take my example a bit further. I actually showed him this website, and you know what he did? He laughed his ass off.

He couldn't understand how guys like the guys here could devote so much time and energy into discussing women. He doesn't even THINK about what he does. He just does.

THANK YOU JAKE! I have been saying this on and on and on. In the 'Kill the Desperation' thread, when asked about my 'philosophy', I said there was none and you guys got confused. Later, when I said to stop treating love and sexuality like an academic degree (studying books and websites on the subject), you guys got mad at me.

This isn't rocket science, it is women. And the answers are already embedded in your nature.

So where does that leave YOU? This guy is building an amazing career AND fucking tons and tons of hot ass women—while you and I are here discussing the fucking path of Apollo VS the path of Dionysis and some guy named Pook who has risen to godlike status on some little known message board. So just WHO's on the Apollo path here?

Don't confuse Apollonian with career success. Later, RDToo adds:

The thing that is never addressed is the quality of women that you want to get with. I would bet that Ross Jefferies has never had a real quality woman. Women are not as dumb as a lot of guys here seem to think, and they learn from experience as well as we do. I know a very high quality woman who shoots down all seduction attempts. She says the thing that attracts her is the "quality of character" in a man. I do not think that learning SS is building that kind of characters.

THANK YOU RDTOO! Speed Seduction cannot build character because the focus is (let us say it together): ENTIRELY ON THE WOMAN.

Gentlemen, when you want beautiful women you are in the big leagues. SS is more concerned with quantity than quality. This was why I left it behind.

To INCREASE testosterone

No, do not run out and get shots. In our modern world cubicles and style, we are at desks and usually not in a state of action. But there are some easy ways to increase one's testosterone naturally and have the effects of:

-Greater Confidence

-Action

-Boldness

-Strength

No more analyzing

Turn OFF your computer and stop reading and rereading seduction knowledge. The only true benefits of the seduction material was not in the HOWs of getting seduction, it was opening your eyes of how Nature actually works. When I was a Nice Guy and read Tony's Get Laid Guy, it did a number on my head. It smashed all my nice guy 'philosophies'.

Build up the Body

Oddly, working out seems to have more psychological effects than physical ones. Jerks always usually have nice bodies. Keep in the state of action.

Several of the guys in the 'health and fitness' forum we never hear from in the other forums. WHY? Because they know they don't need philosophies.

Listen to Anthony Ellis of the skinnyguy.net who says:

You have to have that drive and determination, and the change has to come from within. All the exterior things don't mean much. You want to change the way you see life. You want to change your relationships. You want to make your workplace better. You want to be happier.

But Mr. Ellis, who went from scrawny guy to impressive muscle guy, I have noticed people who discovered that when they can change their bodies, they can change their whole lives. Did you notice that?

I'm definitely more confident. I believe in myself a lot more. I feel I can do other things I would never have thought to do before. I'm not afraid to be out at night, and that's a big deal for me. I enjoy the city so much more. I'm a part of it now.

And doing this is not brain surgery; I didn't save someone's life. But I improved my life, which is very difficult to do.

How many people are trying to lose fat? How many are trying to gain muscle? How many people are trying to get control of their lives? I have, and I feel empowered. I have no doubt any direction I choose to take my life will be successful.

You've kept this up for about a year now. You've got the solid muscle mass, a great physique, a great outlook, but what does long-term success mean to you? Is this going to be part of it?

This is definitely part of my life now. It's a permanent fixture. I may make slight adjustments, but once you go on this trip, there's no return ticket. You don't want to go back. It's like going to Hawaii. You don't want to come back because you have seen the other side. Once you get going, once you get the momentum going, once you start looking better, once you start feeling better, you don't want to stop. You want to keep exercising, to keep looking good and feeling good.

What do you tell people who don't believe this is possible?

When I meet people with that type of attitude, people who say, "That's not possible" I tell them, "For you it's not possible because you don't believe it. If you don't believe you can do it, you can't."

I think they need to believe it before it will work for them. When they open their minds, things are going to start happening. Doors are going to start opening. They see the reality of the situation.

It's absolutely 100% necessary to believe you can do it. I mean really believe it deep down inside. I've come to realize that most of what happens to you is a result of you. It all comes from inside.

Everything you do, everything you are, how you handle everything that happens to you is your responsibility. So if you want to change, look inside. When you decide to change from the inside, the outside will fall into place.

For as you think, you shall become. This is why the focus must always remain ON YOU. Some other things:

Joining a Sport

Every male needs a good 'ol competition. Ever notice why the 'jocks' get the girls? Perhaps it's because their testosterone levels shoot up or at least appear to?

Eating More

For skinny guys, this is a must. It strengthens the body.

Don't take yourself so seriously

This is for the shy and hesitant guys. You need to get over the fact that the world does not revolve around you. It never has and never will. No one will care if you hit on a chick. No one will care if you make a move on her. Do not rationalize away your desires.

Start doing some of the things the 'awful' jerks do.

Try getting on stage and being some rock star. Your testosterone levels will shoot up. Try acting. Since projection is all, your levels of testosterone will rise. Women will naturally sense it (and also because it will spring off other actions).

A New Start

Let us consider the Nice Guy vs. Jerk debate to be over. The Nice Guy is a male who is afraid or doesn't embrace his testosterone. The Jerk should be seen as the Testosteronized Male.

What we understand, we have power to use. What we do not understand, it has power to use us.

For we possess the ability to restart our lives over again. Be not scared (by acting nice or relying on mental tricks) to do what your testosterone was put there to make you do.

Be natural = Be Man

•••

[Later Post] Quote:

Hlaing Thar Yar, Myanmar - Chicken-seller Thin Sandarin had always dreamt of being a man.

When she inexplicably grew a penis last month, the 21-year-old treated it as an awe-inspiring omen - as have the thousands of stunned villagers who have travelled to a pagoda to see him.

"On the morning of the full moon day of June 21, I noticed my thing (sex organ) was not the same as before," Thin Sandar, who now goes by the male name Than Sein, said on Wednesday.

"And my breasts disappeared," Than Sein added. "So I called out and showed it all to my mom and dad. It was very strange."

Experts have examined him, and he awaits test results from a women's hospital. - Sapa-AFP .

The 'Secret of the Jerk' post detailed this occurring in lab rats. There are legends and mythologies of this occurring throughout various cultures.

Though I am curious if the opposite is true. Can guys have their penis drop off and a vagina appear, with breasts appearing?

Apparently not. Testosterone stains. Once you've been immersed in testosterone (first in the womb, then in puberty) you cannot 'go back'. But that doesn't mean you can become very feminine and weak. You'll still have balls, just not in the metaphorical sense.

Chapter 27
Kill That Desperation!

Being a Don Juan is not a net sum of smooth maneuvers and methods but of your own outlook on the world and on women. ANYONE can memorize 'techniques', but FEW can change the way they think. Women will be able to sniff out the former. But with the latter, women will be clawing each other for you.

A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks.

This must be stated because it brings us to the subject of 'desperation'.

In the end, we are all desperate with desire. We wouldn't be looking for tips and answers if we did not desire a girlfriend or MULTIPLE girlfriends (being a bit ambitious, aren't we?). We all want a woman (or women), but our desire and feelings bring out the desperation traits within us.

Where I work, I ask the women why they found a co-worker to be so desperate. Here are some of their answers:

-always giving the women attention.

-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)

-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself) -always available.

-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating). -etc.

What theme can we find in the above? It is that the man puts the woman on the pedestal rather than himself.

Imagine if a woman did all the above to you. Imagine if a woman was OBSESSED with you, always calling you, always available, and always spending her free time FOR YOU. Any interest you had for this woman would soon evaporate. Why? Because in your own mind you are thinking two things: "No one else must want her," AND "If I can get her OBSESSED about me, I know I can get BETTER girls to be interested in me." Her desperation is turning you off. The same is true for women.

Women are not attracted to desperate men. Period. I've told my co-worker this and his response: "Well, that is just who I am." Eventually, he will realize that the only common denominator in his pattern of crash and burns will be HIM. So if anyone has told you that you're desperate, consider that it's true.

There is a KEY to removing desperation forever. There is no simple 'trick' that will kill the desperation. It will not be in how you dress, how you talk, or where you go on dates. No, the KEY is in how you think.

The KEY to killing desperation (and attracting crowds of women) is to THINK and BELIEVE that you are The Great Catch.

Desperate guys do not do this. They see the woman as the prize rather than themselves. They see that the woman must be 'wooed' rather than them. They will, thus, supplicate and become a 'nice guy'. (And nice guys finish LAST.)

If you start treating a woman like precious gold, she will believe she is gold. And once she believes it, she will DUMP YOU because YOU have given her the sense that she is BETTER than you. Once she thinks that, she will want to REPLACE YOU with someone better, because you have given her reasons to believe that YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF HER GREATNESS.

After all, if we think we can ****** someone better, we will. This holds true for both men and women. The last thing we want is to settle for a mate when we could have gotten better. (This is why the element of challenge is so important in the Dating Game.)

The lesson: DON'T GIVE HER A REASON TO THINK SHE IS BETTER. You are the gold; she should be thrilled just to have A CHANCE with you.

The first step in becoming the Prince Charming every woman dreams of is to THINK OF YOURSELF AS A PRINCE.

When you BELIEVE you are that prince, that you are The Great Catch, all the 'desperation' signs you were emitting vanish and an aura of attraction will surround you. Combine this manner of thinking with all the Don Juan skills you know, and you will become irresistible.

Let us look at the desperation signs again: -always giving the women attention.

Now that you're The Prince, you don't have time to give women attention. A Prince is kind, ENTHUSIASTIC, smiling, yet YOU have things to do. A Prince's time is precious. A woman must win your attention; you shall not give it to them.

-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)

The Great Catch simply CANNOT call all the time because he has tons of other numbers. The Great Catch is not competing for a particular girl. The girls, rather, are competing for him.

-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself)

Why would Prince Charming tell everything about himself to a woman? No, the woman must JUSTIFY HERSELF to him because YOU ARE THE GOODS. The Prince would reveal things about himself only as a reward. The woman loves the mystery in this and sees knowing the Prince as peeling layers of an onion, knowing him GRADUALLY.

-always available.

The Great Catch is busy with many, many women! She must fight for your time, NOT the other way around.

-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating).

Prince Charming wouldn't accept ANY disrespect from any woman. If a woman gave him such disrespect, he WALKS AWAY. The Prince KNOWS all these women want to be with him so he can eject at any time.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Pook, I can't act like a Prince Charming or The Great Catch. I DON'T have tons of women after me." This is reversing CAUSE and EFFECT. ASSUME you are the Great Catch, THINK that you are, and as you think you shall become. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Treat your hobbies as if they have more value than the women do (or treat your hobbies as if they WERE other women). When you think you are the Great Catch, you will act like it and the women will KNOW that you are.

Women love certain traits in guys. By THINKING that you are The Great Catch, you can emit these traits NATURALLY and with no effort.

-Good looks

You cannot change your genes. But you can change the way how you treat those genes. Does Prince Charming wear raggedy T-shirts? Does the Great Catch walk with his head down? NO! You will wear nice clothes and walk with pride BECAUSE you are proud of yourself. After all, you ARE one of the best. So treat yourself accordingly.

Anyone can wear a suit. But few can wear a suit proudly. Few can wear a suit that seems to fit them naturally and creates an aura of importance. Good carriage, excellent threads, are the CONSEQUENCE by how you think of yourself. Women know this and is the reason why you are judged by this criteria.

-Humor

Girls LOVE humor. Prince Charming and the Great Catch are funny because they know that they themselves are fun. They don't worry, "My goodness, she is really cute! How can I attract her!?" They ASSUME she will be attracted and they have fun in the meantime.

Don't be shy. Let your personality SHINE. When you think you are the Great Catch, this should come more naturally because you have nothing to fear.

-Dominance

You are THE MAN. You must be IN CHARGE. Desperate guys will try to be 'nice' in every which way to win the girl (and fail, of course). But Prince Charming and the Great Catch will SWEEP WOMEN OFF THEIR FEET. When you THINK you are the goods, you realize it is ridiculous to treat a relationship and flirting as walking on eggshells. YOU set the rules, NOT the other way around. After all, YOU are the prize to be sought.

Look at the soap operas and romance novels for grounds of this. Women like to be in the presence of a MAN, not a boy, not a chump, and certainly not a 'nice guy'.

Dominance is also being sure of yourself. Do not speak in a soft tone. Speak STRONGLY and behave STRONGLY. After all, do you think Prince Charming worries about making mistakes? No, so neither should you.

I know, I know. I can hear you saying, "But I must worry about mistakes or else I'll Have Another 'learning experience' on my hands."

This is a GOOD THING. Let us say that, in a normal conversation, you came across a word you did not know how to pronounce. Most people will utter the word softly for fear of criticism. This is stupid. Say the word LOUD! Let me repeat, say the word LOUD! If you are wrong, you will be corrected. Clearing up mistakes is ALWAYS a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

The same applies to dating. Do not date with hesitation and shyness; date with all conviction. Remember, the biggest risk you can take in life is not to take any risks at all.

-Ambition

When you think yourself as The Great Catch, you KNOW women are not the priority in your life. After all, the Great Catch knows he can get any woman whenever he wants. When you feel good about life, you cease to fear success and demand life shows all that it has. Aim for the moon. If you miss, at least you'll be among the stars.

So in the end, too often men think they need a girlfriend to have their life 'complete'. The consequence is that these men will emit signs of desperation. Success is achieved first through the mind, then through the world, never the other way around.

Hi shakes

How can you be assertive and aggressive without appearing desperate?

Be selective and picky, not 'on the prowl' or 'hungry'. (Who knows? That next girl may be the one you marry. Might as well have high standards!)

ALWAYS be willing to walk away. NEVER accept low interest responses (AD's posts cover this well). Shy guys and non-aggressive guys get nowhere with woman.

I am (was) extremely shy and very non-aggressive. You can use it to your advantage!

For Non-Aggressiveness

For some reason, I tend to attract flocks of chicks. They hit on me, touch me, try to get me to ask them out (and I don't, heh heh). Other guys my age I talk to a few have had the same thing. We found out the reason why, as was summed up by what one girl told me:

"You're not like most guys. You're different, intelligent, and SEXIER than A GREEK GOD!"

OK, maybe she didn't say THAT. But she said that I was different and not like most guys. Why? Because I WASN'T hitting on every chick. I wasn't out 'hustling' the girls.

Guys who want a girlfriend hit on girls all the time. Here are some facts:

Fact A: Guys who hit on girls appear desperate and needy.

Fact: B Girls want guys who don't need girls. (I like AD's metaphor: Be as free as a bird. Girls want to seize that bird and TOSS IT in a cage! That cage is called commitment.)

THEREFORE, guys shouldn't 'hit on' girls. (Guys hit on girls because they are needy. Change your thinking and you cease to be needy, and you'll naturally stop hitting on girls.)

I think it is best to treat a chick, no matter how hot and steamy she is, no matter how cute and perfect, as a guy. The only exception is don't talk technical stuff with them like you would with a guy (computers, cars, how to lay chicks, etc.) They will LOVE this. With the girls I like, I talk about THEM and they become more and more attracted to me because guys do not do this.

That is how I used my non-aggressiveness to my advantage. It can be excellent for creating attraction (in some situations). Problem is that you have to turn it off eventually and GO FOR HER. (And you KNOW she will say, "YES! Oh, this is the luckiest day of my life!" because you think are Prince Charming. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

Using shyness as an advantage

Shy people THINK too much. Shy people react to situations when they should be acting/initiating. But when you're on a date or any time talking to a woman you like, you can use your shyness as an advantage. Shy people do not go around talking about themselves or try to sell themselves because they hate talking in general (girls hate this, anyway. See? Much goodness already). When she asks you about yourself, give her a general answer and turn the conversation back on her. Shy people's advantage is.

they let women flap their gums!

The Art of Conversation is a great article at sosuave.com. She flaps her gums. You take something she said that you agree with, paraphrase it in your own words, and feed it back to her. She will levitate before your very own eyes!

See? Shyness and non-aggression can be GREAT virtues rather than the vices they seem to be.

I get my women from the workplace (it makes work seem like recreation!). However, in a workplace setting, you have to be careful as a reputation sticks. Go out with every girl and you are labeled a player (which women hate). Hit on every girl there, you will instantly be stamped 'Mr. Desperate' and all the girls will laugh at you. (I've seen it happen to poor chumps.) Act reserved by demonstrating your FUN personality and you will KNOW when they will be DYING for you to ask them out. Sometimes they'll even bring themselves to ask YOU out (which you say no! They become even more intrigued for guys don't turn down girls).

Clubs and parties are not the place, I think, for shy non-aggressive people. I get better results when I can talk to people without SHOUTING ALL THE TIME.

You can get away with hitting on women if you won't see them again (in the workplace or classroom, they will remember and reputations stick).

Just because you get a date does not mean you stop being attractive. You must make your attractiveness consistent by continually thinking yourself as the Great Catch or as Prince Charming. For if you DON'T, then you start to put her on a pedestal and have that fatal romance disease known as desperation.

Right now, I'm in a situation where I'm on the verge of dating two women. Even though I've read the articles on this site a billion times and read this forum daily, I can feel myself wanting to 'fall' in infatuation.

It is all in our minds of how we look at the women. See, Good Pook:

"I wonder what FUN I can have with her! I wonder what NEW THINGS I'll learn about women from her. I wonder what happens if I try this strategy on her..."

Bad Pook:

"Wowza! She is HOT! I hope I look and act all right! I really, really hope I don't do anything stupid or dumb tonight."

Notice the difference? When Pook is bad, he places the 'success' of the night on if HE doesn't 'screw up' (which he will because he is worried to death about it). When Pook is good, he places the 'success' factor on the experimentation and fun (which, as a result, the Pook will come across as fun and different).

Be the Good Pook!

Chapter 38
Approaching Women

I love approaching women! Here's a way to look at it:

We are all in constant self-improvement. Our past selves are always less evolved than our present form. Let us see the difference between Pook Version 1.2 and Pook Version 2.9.

Pook Version 1.2

In this version of Pook, we find he is shedding off that Nice Guy straitjacket. He knows he ought to approach. Unfortunately, he sees it as a chore.

So enters a beautiful chick. Poor Pook feels himself freezing up. He bites the bullet and goes to talk to her. "Hi."

"Hello."

"So... what you up to?"

"Just grocery shopping. Ran out of food, got to get some more, you know?" (Pause) "You?" "Oh... The same. Well, cya."

No, you are quite correct. This was pathetic. At the time, my mind did not think this. Rather, I was thinking, "You have accomplished your mission. You have approached the chick. Well done."

With that type of thinking, no wonder I wasn't having any fun!

Pook Version 2.9

Now let us see how a more recent version of Pook.

Enters a beautiful woman in the bread section of the store. I approach. "So, you like bread too!" She laughs. "Yes."

"Here, try this one!" I toss some bread at her.

"Potato bread!? No, I don't think so." Laughing, she puts it back.

Now I say, "Have you seen (X) product? Don't just stand there! Come on!" I take her hand and we go across the store.

Now, this Pook is crazy. She gives him her number. What is the difference between 2.9's mind and 1.2's mind?

The difference is,

1 The earlier Pook saw the approach as the WOMAN to be the prize to be won. The latter Pook saw HIMSELF as the prize. The early Pook saw the approach as a mission, the later pook saw the approach as an opportunity for fun.

2 The earlier Pook tries to make things fun for the woman and fails. The latter Pook doesn't care and focuses on HIS feelings, in other words, he has fun himself.

The early Pook thinks, "Oh my. I hope I am doing things correctly. Is she smiling? Is she keeping eye contact? Is SHE having fun?"

The latter Pook thinks, "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"

Have fun! To hell with formulas and rules. As long as I have fun, what does it matter if she rejects me or not? I think, "Well, she doesn't know how to have fun!"

Focus on having fun then on avoiding the pain of rejection or loneliness. The carrot is more attractive to her than the stick.

Quit taking this so seriously! These are GIRLS. GIRLS! What are they going to do to you? Beat you up?

You like having fun, right? Then do it! Be playful. Be crazy. Do what makes YOU have fun and see if she'll go along for the ride.

No more nervousness! No more shyness! Those originate in you worrying how you will be perceived. Rather, everything is in how you perceive yourself.

This makes the difference.

•••

Looks are more important to YOUNGER women. High school and college girls are more looks oriented.

"girls dont care too much about your personality at this age."

And what age are you speaking of, Bashful?

You'll be surprised how far a steady confidence will take you.

But I know this will not convince you. You think you've lost the lottery of life? I have some questions... How can you be happy in a relationship if you're not happy being single?

If you want to be judged for your personality and not looks, do you, likewise, judge girls for their

personalities and not their looks?

Whatever standards you have for women, they must be applied to yourself as well. Do you pursue a chick's personality or her looks?

I've been seeing this attitude of "It's all looks! Boo hoo! Woe is me!" If I had that same attitude, I'd be sitting in front of my computer every night, getting drunk, as my heart shrivels in the acid of bitterness.

Bashful, I have no sympathy for you. WOMEN are judged on looks much more harshly. When a fat chick whines, "Guys are just after looks!" You know what I say to them? "What are you going to do about it?" Usually these chicks either work out, make themselves thinner and more attractive or they turn into a militant feminist with a bitter excuse of a heart.

By letting their responses guide your actions, you are being shaped by your environment- in other words, being feminine. This isn't attractive in any situation or age.

You are your destiny! What you do today shapes tomorrow. Think, dream, and never lose the name of action!

Three months from now, I want to come on this forum, and I want to see a post by Bashful saying, "Guys, this chick I am with IS AWESOME! Geez, I feel like the greatest guy in the world!"

You may think that's unrealistic. But on the Don Juan Forum, it happens all the time. Now it's time for it to happen to you. But it will never come without ACTION and proper mindset.

We're behind you.

•••

[Later on, referring back to this post]

I now disagree with what I wrote there about the girls initializing dates/romance. I have never, in my life, seen a girl initiate a date for romantic interests. Girls will flirt to tell you they are interested, guys confirm your interest by asking for their number.

Just from observation, guys seem to fall in love much, much faster than girls do. The best defense I see from falling into infatuation so soon, so fast, is to have an interest in other women. This will prevent the she's-the-only-one-for-me disease.

Men want sex. Women want relationships. If they make it hard for us, then why should we not make it hard for them as well?

Chapter 51
Why “Let’s Just Be Friends”

Let us interview the subjects...

The AFC, ala Mr. Nice Guy, comes walking in, crying and bubbling. Pook shines the light in his eyes and walks around him in a circle. Now, Mr. Nice Guy, why are you so sad?"

"Because... (sob), the girl I want only sees me as a friend!" "What! How do you know?" "Because I ask her out consistently and she says, 'Let's Just Be Friends.'"

Poor Nice Guy! His heart is shattered and scattered across the floor! He wants to feel sorry for himself, wants others to feel sorry for himself, and hates how life has become.

But let us interrupt the Nice Guy's picking up his pieces of heart... "Do say, Nice Guy, what you were trying to do?"

"Well (sob), I thought I could get close to this girl by being friends. I wanted to get close to her. Then, perhaps, something would happen."

This is very common. A hot woman has tons of guys trying to 'be friends' with her. But is it friendship? Bring in the next subject!

Thus enters the hot woman herself. She sits down, Pook shines the light in her eyes, and walks around her with hands clasped behind his back.

Now, woman! Why did you not go out with this guy? "I just don't see him in that way? We're just friends."

But is it friends? Oh, woman! Do tell, what does he remind you of, really? (she thinks) "I think of him like a brother."

Like a brother! In other words, the concept of sexuality referring to the Nice Guy, she shudders in horror. Horror!

She thought of him like a brother because he acted like a brother. Going out of your way to do things for her (in a non-sexual/relationship context) is what her brother would do.

A woman must see you in a sexual way in order for any hope for romance to blossom (Wyldfire uses being 'worthy' to 'date'. Since women will never admit that they are wholly sexual beings, they just express it in that way.) The Nice Guy is going after the girl in some bizarre friendship way.

But let us complete the task. Bring in the Don Juan!

Don Juan enters and sits down, confidently.

Don Juan, how can you be friends with girls and be successful whereas the Nice Guy cannot?

"Pook, it's all about fun. I have friends that are girls just because. I talk to them, hang out with them, have fun with them. The bitter truth is that the Nice Guy is not the Fun Guy. A woman won't date you unless she sees you in that way. In other words, she feels good around you, translating to fun."

Indeed! Especially at the beginning, the best dates are action dates. Doing stuff rather than just talking or going to a movie or eating is more fun. The more fun she has, the more attractive you become.

When you have friends that are girls, in other words, not romantically going after them, you are purely with them because of the fun. You enjoy spending time with them.

Alas, the more fun women have, the more attracted they become. So eventually they turn their romantic target in your direction.

When the Nice Guy is 'friends', is he fun? Hardly. He tries to 'connect' to her in every possible way. He tries to 'get to know her', yet she is bored to hell (thus, she uses him as an emotional tampon).

A girl will not consider dating a guy who bores her.

If there were any rule with women, I would say Never Bore Them. Make them laugh. Make them have fun. Heck, make them cry. Make them embarrassed. But never, NEVER bore them.

Also, there is the element of comfort. You'd be more likely to hang out with someone you know, right? The same is with women. A girl that feels comfortable with you will always be much more likely to be interested.

There is another reason why female friends may become interested. Sheer numbers.

Let’s have fun with this. Here’s another way to look at Success with Women, whereas the Success is defined as:

Success with Women

[(A x P)C+M] x W

A= Initial Appearance P= Personality C= Challenge

M= Mystery W= Women

What are you high in? What needs working on?

Extroverted Nice Guys have more success than introverted Don Juans. When W equals zero, then no matter how outstanding or attractive you are, your success rate equals zero. Improving quantity improves the likelihood of results.

When you have female friends, the 'W' goes up and up.

When you become friends with a chick, it doesn't mean nothing can happen. Rather, when you see the chick (because she's hot or whatever) as fun itself and being around her is fun to you, that is when you go into LJBF.

Nice Guy has fun just being around a hot chick; the Don Juan has fun doing things with a hot chick. This is the difference.

Pook places the Nice Guy in front of him.

Admit it! You don't really care to go to the movies. You only did it, so you'd be AROUND HER. ADMIT IT!

"IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE! Oh Pook, I am so ashamed! (boo hoo hoo)"

Pook then points to the Don Juan. "And YOU succeed because you pursue fun. She is along for the ride." "Very true, Mr. Pook."

And remember, the Fun Guy not only gets the girl's TRUE friendship, but, eventually, her romantic interest as well.

•••

Quote:

Originally posted by Ultra Magnus

Just a dumb question, guys.

I have liked a few girls who I never thought was attractive initially. But after becoming good friends, then I found them attractive and then asked them out....each time...I got LJBF'ed.

Once a girl sees you as a friend, you will always be a friend.

The only way 'out' of it is to use sexual tension. Stare at her eyes a bit longer. Start looking at her in 'that' way. Take your thought and send it to her through your eyes, face, and behavior.

Don't worry, she'll receive it.

Based on her reaction, you'll know what to do.

You are thinking of a GIRLS FOR DATING vs. GIRLS FOR FRIENDS. Rather, try thinking in a NO SEXUAL TENSION vs. SEXUAL TENSION.

If you try to ask out a chick who you knew in a 'non-sexuality' way, you will be LJBF. You need to bring in the sexuality.

She will notice something is different. She will think something is 'growing' between the two of you. And she'll like it (if not, she won't send any sexuality back).

Chapter 58
Talking To Girls

Don't compliment unless it's something you are genuinely impressed by (authenticity is the key).

Everyone likes to feel unique and special in their own way. Show interest in HER and her life. Believe me, she will make your ears bleed. (This will come off naturally since you are already interested in her, therefore interested in what she does, etc.) While you are finding out everything about her, YOU have remained a mystery since you're not trying to 'sell' yourself. The chick will love someone asking about herself (thus validating in her eyes that she's 'special') AND her interest in you will grow because she wants to know more about you. Not bad for letting your ears bleed, eh? Also, the more information you get, the better and more precise you can take the next step with a higher probability of success.

DON'T be sweet. LISTEN to her and add in your thoughts (don't try to FIX her problems, UNDERSTAND them). When a trait or feeling comes up that you agree with, don't hesitate to tell her. She will feel a 'connection' with you and her interest level will rise.

If she ever makes you mad, tell her EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE MAD. Amazingly, girls LOVE IT when guys will ***** at them because girls want HONESTY and DIRECTNESS. Many girls will put up a 'test' of standing you up just to see if you will swallow it like a 'nice guy' or if you will have the STRENGTH to put them in their place (Women are not attracted to guys they can control).

Humour is always good. Always be light-spirited, warm, and humorous. But when she is talking to you seriously, always listen and UNDERSTAND how she feels.

Chapter 60
Womanese!

It's no surprise that women speak in another language. They are subtle creatures, sneaky, devious, and say things in code.

It's time for men to break the code of womanese!

For your reading pleasure, bold will be the woman. Normal text will be the explanation. Italics will be what the Pook man is saying.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now.

TRANSLATED: I don't want a relationship WITH YOU. Don't even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I say that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.

POOK-MAN SAYS: I was nearby when a woman was giving this 'veiled' rejection to a co-worker. I jumped in, "So if you're not looking for a relationship, then all you're looking for is SEX, is that it?" Her mouth dropped, but I continued. "I don't BELIEVE you women! That's the ONLY thing you have on your minds is SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX! I am looking for a loving relationship, but NO, you women only want passionate raw animal sex! Now with me, I find you need to TASTE the other pleasures in life. So you CAN get your mind off of sex, right?" Her eyes were GLOWING at me. Funny, she suddenly wanted a relationship with me. Hah!

I don't think of you in 'that' way.

My goodness, are you ugly and a sexual dud!

I think of you as a brother!

-OR-

You remind me of my brother!

I would consider sex with you to be incest.

The kids were bad today. Obviously, your genes are defective! We were both wrong.

But you were more wrong!

This recipe didn't turn out how I expected.

I burned dinner.

Try and complain. I DARE you.

You don't listen to me!

You don't listen to me!

Honey, I HATE to interrupt...

As if you were doing anything more important.

Have you had time to...

Stop what you're doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!

When you get a chance...

Do this immediately!

I hate to nag but...

I want you to get off the couch now!

Of course, I don't mind paying for myself.

Cheap date!

Let's not rush things.

I have other prospects.

I'm not ready to settle down.

I sure as heck don't want to settle down with YOU!

I enjoy the single life!

I enjoy not being with YOU!

I need more space!

You're becoming undesirable and unattractive.

This is when you WALK AWAY.

I'm focusing on my 'career'.

My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious, yet more exciting than you'll ever be.

Let's just give it some time.

You're not high on my rating list. You're a good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn't show up.

I like you, but...

I don't like you at all.

You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type of guy I'd marry!

You're sexually a dud. You're not fun to be with. But you are... 'nice'.

A friend of mine responded to this line with, "And you're not the type of girl I'd marry, but you would be the type for a one night stand!"

Let's Just Be Friends

You'll never see me naked! I'm not attracted to you.

Pook Man then says, "No, I have enough friends. Buh-Bye!"

I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!

Honesty is very important to me.

Only tell me what I want to hear.

I only like you as a friend.

I'm not attracted to you.

"And I only see you as a flaming $lut w-hore!"

You're so manly.

Shave, bathe, discover a thing called S-O-A-P.

Let me check my schedule to see if I'm doing anything.

I have plans. WE do not.

We need...

I want...

Can you call me back? I need to...

I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day!

How about you give me YOUR number?

I'll add it to my trophy collection of guy's phone numbers - pathetic guys who want me but I don't want them!

Call her BS. "You just want to add it to your trophy collection of guy's phone numbers who..."

I'm not upset...

I'm upset.

She's upset.

Be romantic and turn out the lights.

I'm not proud of my body.

Do you love me?

I'm going to ask you for something expensive...

Am I fat?

Please tell me I'm beautiful.

I love men who take charge...

Pay the bill, you chump!

Sure, but I hope you're not disappointed.

I'm flat chested.

I'm not that type of girl.

Keep trying.

Keep trying.

Don't touch me there!

Touch me there, but I'll stop you a few times first.

Heavy resistance is bad. Light resistance is normal. Woman WANT you to go for them. All women WANT to be taken.

Will you respect me in the morning?

You won't tell your friends, right?

I'm not looking for anyone.

I'm not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.

We need to talk...

I need to complain!

Nod head, go 'uh huh', smile, repeat.

I need to think about it.

No way.

We have an off and on relationship.

I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.

Where is this going?

Are we getting married?

No

No Maybe No

Let me think about it

No

I feel like I've known you my entire life!

Bingo! We have a Bingo! Will someone make sure this prize does not get away from me?

No

Yes.